Joseph Conrad
The Arrow of Gold
A Story Between Two Notes
Published by Good Press, 2019
EAN 4057664645326
Table of Contents
CHAPTER I
Sometimes I wonder yet whether Mills wished me to oversleep myself or not: that is, whether he really took sufficient interest to care. His uniform kindliness of manner made it impossible for me to tell. And I can hardly remember my own feelings. Did I care? The whole recollection of that time of my life has such a peculiar quality that the beginning and the end of it are merged in one sensation of profound emotion, continuous and overpowering, containing the extremes of exultation, full of careless joy and of an invincible sadness—like a day-dream. The sense of all this having been gone through as if in one great rush of imagination is all the stronger in the distance of time, because it had something of that quality even then: of fate unprovoked, of events that didn’t cast any shadow before.
Not that those events were in the least extraordinary. They were, in truth, commonplace. What to my backward glance seems startling and a little awful is their punctualness and inevitability. Mills was punctual. Exactly at a quarter to twelve he appeared under the lofty portal of the Hôtel de Louvre, with his fresh face, his ill-fitting grey suit, and enveloped in his own sympathetic atmosphere.
How could I have avoided him? To this day I have a shadowy conviction of his inherent distinction of mind and heart, far beyond any man I have ever met since. He was unavoidable: and of course I never tried to avoid him. The first sight on which his eyes fell was a victoria pulled up before the hotel door, in which I sat with no sentiment I can remember now but that of some slight shyness. He got in without a moment’s hesitation, his friendly glance took me in from head to foot and (such was his peculiar gift) gave me a pleasurable sensation.
After we had gone a little way I couldn’t help saying to him with a bashful laugh: “You know, it seems very extraordinary that I should be driving out with you like this.”
He turned to look at me and in his kind voice:
“You will find everything extremely simple,” he said. “So simple that you will be quite able to hold your own. I suppose you know that the world is selfish, I mean the majority of the people in it, often unconsciously I must admit, and especially people with a mission, with a fixed idea, with some fantastic object in view, or even with only some fantastic illusion. That doesn’t mean that they have no scruples. And I don’t know that at this moment I myself am not one of them.”
“That, of course, I can’t say,” I retorted.
“I haven’t seen her for years,” he said, “and in comparison with what she was then she must be very grown up by now. From what we heard from Mr. Blunt she had experiences which would have matured her more than they would teach her. There are of course people that are not teachable. I don’t know that she is one of them. But as to maturity that’s quite another thing. Capacity for suffering is developed in every human being worthy of the name.”
“Captain Blunt doesn’t seem to be a very happy person,” I said. “He seems to have a grudge against everybody. People make him wince. The things they do, the things they say. He must be awfully mature.”
Mills gave me a sidelong look. It met mine of the same character and we both smiled without openly looking at each other. At the end of the Rue de Rome the violent chilly breath of the mistral enveloped the victoria in a great widening of brilliant sunshine without heat. We turned to the right, circling at a stately pace about the rather mean obelisk which stands at the entrance to the Prado.
“I don’t know whether you are mature or not,” said Mills humorously. “But I think you will do. You …”
“Tell me,” I interrupted, “what is really Captain Blunt’s position there?”
And I nodded at the alley of the Prado opening before us between the rows of the perfectly leafless trees.
“Thoroughly false, I should think. It doesn’t accord either with his illusions or his pretensions, or even with the real position he has in the world. And so what between his mother and the General Headquarters and the state of his own