Evelyn Tomson
Bipolar II
Beyond The Unhappy Diagnosis And Into A Happy Life
Copyright © 2021 - Evelyn Tomson
Publisher: Tektime
Cover back:
“We all have the right to be happy, married or single, with kids or without, with a disease or without”.
What is BAR all about?
I started a research about BAR years ago in 2005 with nothing much to find in the Internet. Only that it was a disease that is quite difficult to diagnose, but at least it is curable, or better say treated with success. Today in 2021 there is much more information freely available, but a few people dare openly share they have it. Still the stigma that goes along with it is strong, because it is a mental illness. Nowadays doctors talk of 3 types of BAR (Bipolar Affective Disorder): Bipolar I, Bipolar II and Cyclothymic disorder. Here I am only giving you the names and the top 3 sites I found the latest information from. These are:
www.spychiatry.org/patients-families/bipolar
www.helpguide.org/bipolar-disorder-signs-and-symptoms
www.mayoclinic.org/disease-conditions/bipolar-disorder/signs-and-symptoms
Why is it bipolar? Because there are 2 ends of the pole: one is called Mania, the other end is Depression. When you are in Mania you do not need much sleep and you are very active, feeling elated, full of energy and ideas, often creative and you spend your days almost without fatigue. It may seem to be very positive to an on-looker. But a person who is Bipolar may accept some ideas of his as pre-dominant and act according to that. He/she might take an illusionary scenario as real, for example he might feel as being watched or pursued. And if he does not stop to rest and slow down, or is unable to decide which part of these ideas are untrue – he may end up in hospital.
The other end of the pole is – melancholia or depression. You lose interest in your job, your life, family and friends. You have low energy, low self-esteem and if this goes on for longer than a month you might be heading for depression. Depressions can be mild or severe ones, depending on each case, individually. And they do not go away by themselves. You need to consult a doctor and try more than one medication sometimes, until you and your doctor find one that works for you and can bring you back to normal – meaning you can work, live your life and even enjoy things.
| Severe maniaHypomania (mild to moderate mania)Normal, balanced moodMild to moderate depressionSevere depression |
So we can differentiate the following 5 conditions, according to helpguide.org:
The good news though is that many talented people are like that…mainly singers and actors but Mariah Carey – the famous singer – openly spoke about it in an article I found in 2018.
I myself am not a singer, but I like singing Karaoke songs. It happens once or twice a year and especially when I go to Wonderland in summer time.
In search of what is wrong with me – I read a lot of books about self-help and improvement and I can say that we all have the right to be happy. So I searched for happiness and I found it. In my work and in my friends circle in my home country and in the country I prefer to call Wonderland. This was my starting point: We all have the right to be happy, married or single, with kids or without, with a disease or without.
Here is the best place to mention the books I found helpful throughout my life, books that make you think outside of the box, lift your spirits up and help in all possible ways.
1 Dale Carnegy: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
2 Dr. Joseph Murphy: The Power of Your Subconscious Mind
3 Eckhart Tolle: The Power of Now
4 Phonda Burn: The Secret
5 Brenda Barnaby: Beyond the Secret. Happiness is possible
6 Osho: The orange book – about meditation
7 The works of Bayinsa Dunov , the books of Mirzakarim Norbekov
8 Deepak Chopra: The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire
9 N. C. Lazarev: Diangnistics of Karma – this last one I found heavy and difficult to understand.
***
Since yearly childhood I knew my life will be associated with English. I was at the age of 9 or 10. I lived a happy life in a country behind the iron curtain. But apart from the strong feeling that my life will be associated with English I also knew I was very fragile, too sensitive for this world, taking things personal and later working too much…
My 1st Episode of depression
According to statistics the first episode usually occurs up to the age of 25. (National Institute of Mental Health, USA). And each 1 in 100 persons is bipolar. (irsiluma.It)
My first meeting with the disease was at the age of 23. I had fallen in love with an intelligent man but he was not free. So I was only an affair for him and naturally things had to end. But his partner found out and spoke to one of my parents. She did not ask me how I felt. Nor did she take my side. And soon the events escalated so much that I decided and tried to commit a suicide. Luckily, as it was mainly a cry for help, I had chosen pills and alcohol for my attempt. And so they found me on time and saved me. I will always be grateful to my dad for he was the man who found me. So before I knew what Mania is I was facing a Depressive episode. Horrible time, the emergency unit had to report the attempt and after my initial treatment I had to be treated for my mental problem.
I do not hate anyone for the way they reacted. I spent 40 days in a psychiatric ward and then the veil was lifted, exactly on the 40th day. I felt light, good again and I learned the hard way that there is a way out of a depression. I am now almost 50. So for the time span of 27 years living with the disease I can say that I had more Depressive episodes and only 3 Mania ones. In one of the sites I have given in the beginning of the book they say that patients experience more often depressive episodes, and that manic ones can be mild, and then they are called hypo-manic.
But during these 40 days I remember 2 things. I asked for a Bible – the version for children with wonderful pictures. And there I draw a line for every day spent inside. The second amazing thing was that Mum came to visit me every day after work. How she managed to go to work and how she got a permission to enter every day at about 5.30 I never dared to ask. But I love her dearly for being there for me every day. The other members of my family visited also when it was allowed.
Anyway, after this depression I found reasons to live, I had to finish my education and that’s what I did. I pulled myself together and studied and passed my exams and I nearly finished with flying colors. I got a diploma in English – Master’s degree.
I was happy that I survived and got over this difficult moment in my life. And I only hoped no new episodes would come. Alas….
A shift into mania, perhaps hypo-mania
BAR can be a seasonal illness. My doctor advised me to be careful especially in spring and autumn times. She had also said that I have to take my medication – usually just 1 pill, the so-called mood stabilizer. I was taking Depakine Chrono 500 gr. then. And I was feeling quite OK for some time until in early spring I started listening to the texts of the songs very intensively. I mostly listened to English songs and I sometimes made connections with the text as referring to me, or a scene from a film as referring to me. Until then I had not experienced a manic episode so I kind of liked being with sharpened senses and thinking precisely…I just noticed