Mrs. McLeigh poked her head around the door, her round face beaming. “Come along now, dearie. The music’s just starting. You follow your friends down the aisle, and then Bertie Manslow is going to sing something or other. I forget the name of it. Then the reverend will get busy and marry you two lovebirds. All right?”
Clarissa felt a surge of panic and held out a hand. “No! Wait.”
“Prissy? Honey, is anything wrong?” Briony’s soft fingers covered hers.
Clarissa dredged up a smile as nerves twitched her stomach around like a little boat on gigantic waves. “No, I just need a moment to compose myself. You know, pinch myself to make sure it’s real. Can I do that?” she asked Mrs. McLeigh, who’d designated herself wedding coordinator and organized the entire community into sponsoring what seemed to be the wedding of the year.
“Oh, of course you can, you sweetheart! Out you go now, ladies. Into the powder room. Let’s give the bride a few moments. It won’t hurt her groom to cool his heels.”
Blair stayed where she was frowning, but Clarissa patted her hand reassuringly. “I just want to pray a minute,” she told her, smiling away her fears. “I’m fine.”
Blair’s face cleared. “I’ll pray too,” she whispered back. “But I think God’s already done His best work putting you two together.”
“Thanks.” But as she sat alone in that room, listening to the organ music, Clarissa closed her eyes and prayed desperately for reassurance. Was this the right thing to do? Was she making an awful mistake? She’d tried so hard to build bridges between herself and Wade, even asked his uncle to be part of the ceremony.
“Ah, there you are.” Carston Featherhawk slipped inside the room after one quick knock, his mouth slashed wide in a grin. “Time to walk the beautiful bride down the aisle. Wade’s a lucky man to have you take him on. ‘Specially with all his trouble. I just hope he’s learned his lesson. Not like last time.”
“Last time?” A niggle of fear grew by leaps and bounds. Clarissa stuffed it down. “What do you mean?”
“Never talks about himself much, does he?” Carston nodded. “Can’t say as I blame him. Had a pretty tough life with his dad leaving like that. Like to killed my sister to find out he’d just dumped her and the kids and walked away. But she stuck to it, got herself a job and devoted herself to Kendra and Wade. Wasn’t her fault her man couldn’t handle his duty to the family. Ran away, he did. Just when Mary, my sister, needed him most.”
His mouth tightened, his eyes grew cold. “She killed herself caring for that boy, and what did he do? Just like his dad. Up and left her to face the music on her own when she got sick.” Carston stopped, then frowned as if he’d only just realized to whom he was speaking.
“It’s all right. We’re going to be married. I should know this, I think.” Clarissa wasn’t sure that was altogether true, but it was too late to back out now. She wanted to know all about Wade, but she’d never been able to coax any of his past out of him. Was this why?
“I suppose, being as you two are about to be wed, you should know the worst.” Carston nodded, scratched his chin again and then plunged into the past. “Wade was always a wild one. Hated it when the other kids made fun of him, his clothes, his race, his drawing. Learned to fight young. He’d get a rebellious streak in him and nothing could stop him from fighting. Once he busted up a house and then ran away. Mary cried herself to sleep for days, aching for him to come home. When he did, he acted as if he’d never done a thing wrong. Don’t suppose he ever paid her back, either.”
“Wade ran away?” Clarissa wanted to get this clear.
“Sure, lots of times. Made it a habit, you might say. Always wanted his own way, did Wade, even if it cost somebody else. He’s the one who got Kendra killed, you know.” He tsk-tsked at her white face. “Oh, not directly, of course. But it was his fault, all the same. He’s to blame and that’s the truth.”
Clarissa’s heart dropped to her shoes. Wade had never spoken to her of Kendra except to say that she was his sister, the kids’ mother and that she was dead. Was this why? Because he felt guilty? But for what?
His uncle was saying Wade ran away from trouble. Was that what he would do at the first sign of problems in their marriage? Clarissa didn’t kid herself that there wouldn’t be any. All marriages had problems. Especially ones based on a lie, and she had lied when he’d asked her if she thought their friendship would carry them through.
She didn’t, because she was counting on building more than a friendship with Wade Featherhawk. That’s what she’d prayed for every night for the past two weeks.
“I’m just gonna get me a drink of water,” Carston muttered, licking his lips. “Then we’ll get this shindig on the road. I think you’ll be real good for Wade. He needs a strong dependable woman to keep him on course, make him face up to reality.”
After Carston left, Clarissa closed her eyes and groaned. Was that what she was? Some kind of a rudder! It was not what she wanted from her marriage.
Here I am, on what should be the happiest day of my life, and all I can think of are questions.
What if things got hard, very hard, and Wade ran away from his responsibility—her and the children? What would she do then?
“Pray,” Clarissa reminded herself, wishing Carston had delved into this before today.
What should she do now? The whole town had gotten into the spirit of their wedding, donating flowers, decorating the church, sponsoring a shower and a reception, even arranging for a short honeymoon at a nearby campground.
If she didn’t go through with it, she’d be a laughingstock. Again. Not only that, Wade’s business would suffer. She wouldn’t be able to tell them why she opted out, of course. How could she say she had doubts? They thought she was deliriously in love with him because that’s what she’d wanted them to think so they wouldn’t pity her! If she dumped him on their wedding day, the whole town would speculate and the awful rumors about him would surface once more. Could she do that to him? To the kids?
I’ve got to start this marriage with trust. I don’t know what happened back then, but I know Wade now. I’ve seen his love and devotion to those kids. And I know he’s committed to our marriage. He won’t let me down.
Clarissa gathered up her bouquet, straightened her dress and pushed her shoulders back in determination. She’d wished and prayed for a husband and a family. The answer had come. Now it was up to her to fulfill her part of the deal.
I won’t be a burden, she promised silently. Not like with Gran. I won’t ever make him feel that I can’t carry my own weight in this family. I’ll make him see he doesn’t need to feel responsible for me, to give up anything for me.
The door burst open and Carston stood on the threshold grinning. “Ready?”
Clarissa took a deep breath, whispered one more prayer for peace, then nodded. “I’m ready,” she murmured.
“Good! ‘Cause those kids are like to popping their buttons outside, waiting to parade down that aisle. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many attendants in a wedding.” He folded her arm in his and led her into the vestibule, his voice soft with pride. “Wade’s a lucky fellow. Getting a second chance doesn’t happen for everyone.”
Clarissa ignored the shiver of worry his words ignited. She chose instead to concentrate on Tildy with Jared, then Lacey and Pierce, gliding down the aisle in the measured step Blair had shown them. Next came her closest friends, Briony and Blair, wearing their soft pink gowns.
Finally it was her turn. She glanced toward the front just once and caught sight of Wade, standing beside the pastor in a black suit that fitted him to a T. She saw his eyes widen in wonder at his first glance of her in her grandmother’s wedding dress. It was a Ginger Rogers style gown with layers and layers of sheer white silk falling away from the tiny pearl-studded