Sergei Kravchenko
But saying o’er what I have said before:
My child is yet a stranger in the world,
She hath not seen the change of fourteen years;
Let two more summers wither in their pride,
Ere we may think her ripe to be a bride.
“Romeo and Juliet”
William Shakespeare
© Sergei Kravchenko, 2020
ISBN 978-5-0051-6433-9
Created with Ridero smart publishing system
Facts
Juliet was younger than fourteen years old.
We cherish first love equally as our life.
Destiny is created by strong emotions, but the most valuable thing in life is experience.
Foreword
I would have never written a book for girls that have fallen in love out of my own free will. Even such an idea would have never occurred to me on its own. However a mother of two daughters and a grandmother of a granddaughter of fourteen years asked me to do it. In the beginning she asked if I may give some recommendations and advices to a girl that has fallen in love. I have answered without preparation and my thoughts were to her liking. Therefore I promised her that I will write down these advices for her.
But during the first night I wasn’t able to fall asleep. Thoughts about the future book prevented me from doing so. More and more chapter titles were coming across my mind: “if the chosen one is older”, “if he is richer”, if he was at war”, “if he is self-centered”, or “if he doesn’t like children”.
Dear reader, do not judge me strictly. The subject turned out to be quite complicated, however I’m bound to speak about it in a simple manner. Though my suggestions are simplified to its limit, I do hope they are deep and wise.
This book is intended for those who believe in honest feelings and relationships, but doubt their reciprocity.
This book is for you, Juliets, if you are young, inexperienced, and on top of it, if your heart chose that one and only man for yourselves, with whom you would like to create nice and long lasting relationships and even later – a family, where children will come to be.
Chapter 1. Test your heart by your mind
You will never regret if you will keep checking your heart by your mind and your mind by your heart.
Are you captivated by feelings towards a person, but your mind is in contradiction with those feelings? Then stop! Something is off in here. Even a small break in a relationship will give you enough strength to control yourself and then make decisions mindfully.
Your feelings and mind contradict each other even after this kind of a break? Then make the break in relationship with such a person even longer. Search for the reason for this conflict between your mind and heart. Once you find it you will also uncover the reason that causes your relationship to keep fading away.
Maybe it will turn out that he is already married, but keeps hiding it. Or maybe he suffers from alcoholism but believes that he can stop drinking in a blink of an eye.
If you made a decision but your inner feelings prevent you from moving forward, then do not hurry with your actions. Maybe it is that your decision is not properly thought through. Maybe you’ve decided to leave your loved one but your feeling of pity prevents you from doing so. Or maybe you’ve set a plan to go for a trip together, but your inner fear keeps haunting you.
Chapter 2. Infecting by feelings
Under certain circumstances feelings can be imposed on you by other people, thus they won’t be yours. This usually happens when you deal with an emotional person, or in extremely dangerous situations.
Do not hasten making promises when you are surrounded by other people or in some extraordinary situations. Do not give way to your sudden emotions. Even more importantly do not take action while you are under the influence of such feelings. “I will think about it”, – these are the words and a life rule that can always save you from trouble.
Make a step back from other people for a while and ask yourself: “Why did these emotions occur? Are they really mine, or are they imposed on me by a relationship with this person?”
Real feelings survive for months or years. Their source is in the depth of your soul and in the memory of the family, of the kind. Emotions that are imposed contradict your culture. They can disappear almost immediately – usually within hours or days.
However if you did make a promise or acted under the influence of imposed emotions and after some time you regret it, it is important to be honest and to admit to yourself that right now your feel things differently and you would have acted in a different way.
Chapter 3. Three types of relationships
What kind of feelings other people have towards you you may recognize just by observing their attitude to you.
There are three types of such relationships: subordinate, overwhelming and equal. In each type the person in question can love you, however you will feel different expressions of those feelings.
Human starts his life from a subordinate relationship. The child expresses them towards its parents from the first days of his life. In exchange he receives an overwhelming attitude.
While being in an overwhelming relationship the person will direct you, teach you, cure you, manipulate you, will push you around, urge you to something. All this without consideration for feelings of the younger counterpart.
Equal relationships is something that one must learn. Such relationships are a rare thing. They require not only skills and experience, but also a continuous attention from both sides. Mutual respect and capability for a mutual agreement always lies in the foundation of equal relationships.
Chapter 4. Subordinate relationships
When in a subordinate relationship you are constantly viewed as a child: they take care of you, teach you, direct and manipulate you while not taking into account your wishes. So if you always feel yourself as “the younger one” in a relationship – they are subordinate.
Changing them in the future without conflict usually turns out to be very difficult.
Do not accept the role of the younger one in your relationship with your chosen man. Even if they promise you all worldly treasures.
Such a kind of relationship will make you enslaved. They will make you lose your own face, your dignity and freedom of expression. Subordinate relationships take away your capability of self-fulfillment. They take away your individuality. And if you fail to uncover and develop your own natural capabilities you might grow even more dependent on others.
Chapter 5. Overwhelming relationships
Overwhelming relationships force you to approach the other one as a child. He won’t be able to reveal his capabilities and natural gifts of a grown up in such a relationship. It will destroy his personality. Over time he will lose his face and dignity. He will be easily influenced by others. Usually such people start to search for an escape and strength in alcohol, drugs or other addictive behavior, that destroys their