Truth to tell, Caleb wondered, too. If anyone seemed meant to marry and have a flock of kinder to care for, it had been Jessie. His mind flickered briefly to the day they’d met and winced away again. He had no desire to remember that day.
But Onkel Zeb’s thoughts had clearly moved on, and he was talking about how things had gone while Caleb was in the hospital.
“...working out fine, that’s certain sure. Sam just can’t do enough for us, though I keep telling him we’re all right. Guess he feels like he wants to repay you, seeing it was his barn where you got hurt.”
“That’s foolishness, and I’ll tell him so myself. As if any of us wouldn’t do the same for a neighbor. Sam’s got plenty with his own farm to run. They’d best be getting his new barn up soon, ain’t so?”
“Barn raising is set for Saturday.” Onkel Zeb grinned. “The buggies have been in and out of Sam and Leah’s lane all week with the women helping to clean and get the food ready. Nothing like a barn raising to stir folks up.”
Caleb was glad Sam’s barn would soon be replaced, but Zeb’s words had reminded him of something else. “Maybe Leah would know of someone I can hire to help out with the kinder. What do you think?”
Onkel Zeb shrugged. “Not sure why you want to go looking for someone else when you have family right here eager to do it.”
Frustration with his uncle had him clenching his hands on the chair. Before he could frame a response, he heard Daniel and Jessie coming back down the stairs. They seemed to be chuckling together over something, and Caleb felt himself tensing. Irrational or not, he wanted his uncle and brother to share his own feelings about Jessie’s arrival.
They came in smiling, which just added to his annoyance. Onkel Zeb glanced at them.
“What funny thing did young Timothy say now?” he asked.
“Ach, it wasn’t Timmy at all.” Daniel grinned. “Cousin Jessie just didn’t agree with my version of the story of the three bears.”
Jessie shook her head in mock disapproval. “Even Timothy knew there wasn’t a wolf in the story of the three bears. That was the three little pigs.”
“Maybe you’d best stick to telling them stories about when you and their daadi were small,” Zeb suggested. “And not be confusing the kinder. Or better yet, let Jessie tell the bedtime story.”
Caleb could feel his face freeze. Zeb made it sound as if Jessie would be around more than a few nights to tell them stories. She wouldn’t.
Jessie seemed to sense the awkwardness of the moment. She turned toward the kitchen. “What about some coffee and another piece of pie?”
“Sounds wonderful gut about now.” Onkel Zeb seemed to be answering for all of them.
Caleb almost said he didn’t want any. But he caught Jessie’s gaze and realized how childish that would sound. So he nodded instead. Jessie’s guarded expression relaxed in a smile, and for an instant she looked like the girl he’d spent an afternoon with all those years ago.
It was disconcerting. If he hadn’t gone to that wedding, if he hadn’t met Jessie and through her met her cousin Alice...what would his life have been then?
* * *
Jessie cleared up the plates and cups after their dessert, satisfied that her pie, at least, had met with universal approval. She’d have to take any little encouragement she could get.
Zeb and Daniel had gone to the bedroom to set up a few assistance devices the hospital had sent, leaving her and Caleb alone in the kitchen for the moment. She sent a covert glance toward him.
Caleb had his wheelchair pulled up to the kitchen table, and at the moment he was staring at the cup he still held. She suspected that he didn’t even see it. His lean face seemed stripped down to the bone, drawn with fatigue and pain. Today had been a difficult transition for him, but he wouldn’t want her to express sympathy.
No man wanted to admit to pain or weakness—she knew that well enough from being raised with six brothers. And clearly Caleb would resent it even more coming from her. The hurt she felt for him, the longing to do something to ease his pain...it would have to stay, unspoken, in her heart.
But the silence was stretching out awkwardly between them. “Becky is...” she began. But the words slipped away when Caleb focused on her.
“What about Becky?” He nearly snapped the words.
That didn’t bother her. When folks were hurting, they snapped, like an injured dog would snarl even when you were trying to help it.
“She seems so grown-up for her age. Very helpful, especially with her little bruder.”
The words of praise seemed to disarm him. “Yah, she is gut with Timothy. Always has been, especially since...” His lips shut tight then.
Especially since Alice left when he was just an infant. Those were the words he didn’t want to say. She could hardly blame him. But if only they could speak plainly about Alice, it might do everyone some good.
“I know how Becky feels. I always felt responsible for Alice after her mamm passed.”
Caleb’s strong jaw hardened. “I don’t want to talk about her. Not now. Not ever. I thought I made that clear.”
She wanted to tell him that she understood, but that hiding the pain didn’t make it go away. It just let it fester. But she couldn’t, because he wouldn’t listen. If she had more time...
“I’m sorry. I promise I won’t say anything about Alice.” Until the day you’re willing to talk. “But please, think twice about sending me away. The kinder are my own blood, like it or not. I want to care for them, and they need me. You need me.”
But she could read the answer in his face already. He spun the wheelchair away, knocking against the table leg in his haste. Impulsively she reached out to catch his arm.
“Please...”
The anger in Caleb’s eyes was so fierce she could feel the heat of it. He grabbed her wrist in a hard grip and shoved her hand away from him.
“No.” Just one word, but it was enough to send her back a step. “We don’t need you. I can take care of my kinder on my own. You’ll go on the bus on Friday.”
Jessie looked after him, biting her lip. She should have known better than to start her plea by referring to Alice. She’d been trying to show that she understood how Becky felt, but she’d approached him all wrong.
Resolutely she turned to the sink and began washing the plates and cups. If a tear or two dropped in the sudsy water, no one would know.
Caleb might not want to hear it, but she did feel responsible for Alice, just as Becky felt responsible for Timothy. She could only hope and pray Becky never went through what she had.
“You’re the older one,” her mother had always said. “You’re responsible for little Alice.”
Most of the time she’d managed that fairly well. But when she’d grown older, she’d sometimes become impatient with Alice always tagging along behind her. She’d been about eleven when it happened, so Alice had been only eight. She’d tagged along as always when Jessie and her friends had been walking home from school.
They’d been giggling, sharing secrets, the way girls did when they were just starting to notice boys. And Alice, always there, always impatient when she wasn’t the center of attention, had tried to burst into the conversation. She’d stamped her feet, angry at being rejected, and declared she was going to run away.
Jessie’s shame flared, as always, when she thought of her response. “Go ahead,” she’d said. “I won’t come after you.”
She hadn’t meant it. Everyone knew that. But Alice