By the end of the first week, she’d accepted that the baby she carried would be brought up by loving parents who could provide everything he could ever want or need. At peace with her decision to help Blake and Victoria, she’d given birth to Drew and walked out of the hospital, never imagining that she’d see him again.
Yet here she was nine months later, taking care of Drew once more, pretending that a conflict wasn’t raging inside her. Once again grappling to make sense of what her heart wanted versus what she believed would make her happy. In the long run she knew being a mom would only make her resentful, yet every fiber of her being longed for Drew. And after what had happened between her and Blake tonight, she yearned for him, as well.
It would be so easy to surrender her heart to them. Equal parts charming and aggravating, they’d slipped beneath her skin in a disturbingly short period of time. She had no trouble imagining herself becoming a part of their lives. Taking care of them. Falling into a routine that would leave little time or energy for the things she wanted.
Bella retraced her steps to the house. Earlier tonight she’d discovered the power Blake held over her. She’d been disappointed they’d had no chance to cement the connection they’d forged during their lovemaking, but relieved for the opportunity to gain perspective before facing Blake again.
Not one thing she’d experienced tonight had left her unaffected. Should she get out before it was too late? She could tell Blake she’d changed her mind. It wasn’t too late to back away from the edge.
And never make love to him? Her body ached at the thought.
Bella stopped halfway across the lawn and faced the ocean. Lifting her face to the wind, she quieted her mind and listened for the truth.
In the past two years she’d learned a great deal about herself. She’d reimagined her dreams. She’d learned more about her strengths and desires. And she’d enjoy her time with Blake as long as it lasted. A day, a week or a month. Whatever she could have. If she was smart and kept her head on straight, she could do exactly as Deidre suggested and enjoy his company for as long as it lasted.
When it was done, they would part friends.
With Victoria and Blake’s marriage over, it was no longer necessary for Bella to keep away from Drew. But what sort of relationship did she want with him? Back when she’d given birth, Blake had expected her to stay in touch. Come to Drew’s birthday parties. Join them for dinner. Take him to the park. She would have been a family friend, an honorary aunt. That had been her intention until Victoria had asked her to stay away.
But Victoria was no longer in the picture. She’d chosen her career over her son. Rejected the baby that was supposed to keep her marriage together. Now the only women in Drew’s life were his nanny and Blake’s stepsister. And with Jeanne expecting a child of her own, how much time would she have to spend with Drew?
Bella could fill in here and there, but Drew deserved a full-time mother. Soon Blake would get past any lingering feelings of distrust left over from Victoria’s duplicity and remarry. That would leave Bella on the outside looking in again.
Which shouldn’t bother her. She didn’t want the responsibility of a child. But she didn’t like being an outsider looking in on her son’s life, either. As hard as it had been to cut all ties, each day she’d missed Drew a little less. Who knew—in a year or ten, she might have forgotten all about Blake and Drew if he had never found her at St. Vincent’s.
Bella laughed bitterly at her foolishness and lifted her face to the wind. The brine from the ocean mingled with the salt of her tears.
Instead, in less than three days, she’d made memories that would haunt her to her dying day.
* * *
Like the master bedroom, the nursery faced the back of the house. Blake stood before the large picture window, one hand on his son’s crib, and watched Bella return from the beach. Their lovemaking had been spectacular. Bella’s innocence refreshing. Her enthusiasm addictive. The play of emotion on her face fascinating. When he’d set his mouth on her, she’d been surprised. Shocked, even. Discovering each thing that pleasured her made him feverish to learn more. How many things could he introduce her to? The possibilities appeared to be endless.
The moon was three-quarters full and high overhead, providing enough light for him to follow the lone figure as she made her way across the lawn. Despite the distance between them, Blake could see the determined set of her shoulders. She strode toward the house as if marching into battle. What a fascinating woman she was. A perplexing blend of determination and insecurity, as if she knew what she wanted, but was afraid to grab it with both hands.
And tonight she’d wanted him. Her boldness had been a delightful surprise. After the way she’d pushed him away this afternoon, he’d assumed he’d spend the next week convincing her to fall into his arms. He’d never expected she’d arrive at the decision all on her own.
Not that he believed for one second that what had happened between them earlier meant that their relationship would proceed smoothly. Jeanne’s presence down the road and her goal of reuniting him with Victoria was a complication that wouldn’t just go away. If his stepsister had any inkling of what he intended for Bella, she would move heaven and earth to stop him.
The muffled sound of a closing door roused him out of his thoughts. Bella had returned to her room, not to his. As tempting as it was to follow her and resume what Drew had interrupted, Blake stayed put.
Earlier that evening he’d reaffirmed that he intended to put Drew’s needs before his own, and what his son required was a mother. So what was he doing with Bella? He couldn’t see their relationship going anywhere, because Bella wasn’t interested in being a part of the sort of family he wanted. One night of sex, no matter how amazing, wasn’t going to change her mind on that score.
But as he’d slipped between her thighs and claimed her as his, he hadn’t been thinking about convincing her how wonderful it would be for her to take on the role of Drew’s mother. He hadn’t been thinking at all. He’d been feeling. Desire. Possessiveness. Pleasure.
He’d stormed past her defenses. Made her surrender. Claimed her in the most elemental way possible. He’d been careful, used a condom, but he was spellbound by the compelling fantasy of her big and round with another child, this one theirs alone, created in the throes of passion.
Last time he hadn’t been able to share the experience with her the way he now wanted to. To feel his child move inside her. To indulge her every craving. To observe every miraculous change in her body.
He wanted what was best for his son, but couldn’t deny his longing for many more sensational nights with Bella. The dilemma haunted him long into the night.
* * *
Tired and grouchy from lack of sleep, Blake woke the next morning at eight and went to check on Drew, only to discover both he and Bella were nowhere to be found.
Mrs. Farnes had breakfast waiting for him when he entered the kitchen. Beyond the sliding glass door that led out to the side yard, sunshine spilled across the large patio where he’d had an outdoor kitchen installed. Victoria had enjoyed entertaining. They threw two large parties every summer to raise money for some charity or another and her birthday party in July was always an elaborate affair.
His ex-wife liked being the center of attention, and Blake had indulged her need to be adored.
Life with Bella would be quieter. He wouldn’t be expected to entertain people he scarcely knew and barely liked after spending a long week at the office. The relief of it hit him square in the forehead. Until this moment, he hadn’t realized how much he’d craved a weekend alone with his wife when they were still together.
“Have you seen Bella and Drew this morning?”
“She took him for a run.”
He had no idea she jogged. The last time she’d stayed