He just couldn’t get past the connection.
He’d been the team leader. The one responsible for all members of staff.
And Sawyer’s wife, Helen, had died on that mission. Stuck out in the middle of nowhere with an ectopic pregnancy. By the time they’d recognized what was wrong it had been too late for her.
He blamed Sawyer. He must have known his wife was pregnant and yet he had let her go on that mission.
But Evan also had reason to blame himself, and six years on he still couldn’t get the guilt out of his head. Six years on he still hadn’t managed to shake the feeling that he was living a life his colleague wasn’t. It didn’t seem fair. It wasn’t as if he was short of offers. Sure, he dated. But the first time he even felt a flicker of something toward the woman of the moment, they had to go. Because why should he get to live, love and procreate when his colleague didn’t?
The sensation of guilt was a hideous, never-ending cycle. Sometimes it faded a little, only to flicker back into life as soon as something sparked a memory.
Violet was ready now, her eyes quizzical as if she had been reading his secret thoughts, her hand on the doorhandle. “Let’s go,” she said quietly.
He followed her to the elevators and down to the conference room. It was impressive. One wall was covered in maps of the states of Nigeria. Another had organizational charts of the team members. Another had immunization targets and notifications.
Everything they needed was right before their eyes.
“Welcome, Evan. Welcome, Violet. I’m Frank Barns, director of DPA’s Nigeria office.” He gestured to the walls. “Welcome to the operations center.”
He shook their hands and led them over to the nearest wall where the maps were displayed. “I finished a briefing for the other new staff earlier. You’ve probably realized we’re at a real tipping point with polio eradication. If immunity is not raised in the three remaining countries to levels necessary to stop poliovirus transmission, then polio eradication will fail. Nigeria is the only polio-endemic country remaining in Africa. There are several high-risk states and I’ve decided to send you to Natumba state. We’ve had sixty-two cases of wild poliovirus this year—more than half of them notified from Natumba. One third of all children there remain under-immunized.”
He gave them a little nod of his head. “You’ll have your work cut out for you there. The DPA works in conjunction with The Global Children’s Support Organization and the Healthy World Federation. But there are several issues for our workers.” His expression was deadly serious. “There have been bomb threats, killings and kidnappings. We have to make security a priority for our staff. You don’t go anywhere unescorted. While in Lagos you stay with a local guide, and the same applies when you reach Natumba.”
Evan could see Violet’s face pale. Was she frightened? Maybe she hadn’t been expecting this. He moved next to her and placed his hand over hers. Frank was still talking, outlining the things they should or shouldn’t do. He almost expected Violet to snatch her hand away. But she didn’t.
Instead she twined her fingers with his, while keeping her breathing slow and steady. She was scared.
And it scared him too. He was going to be team leader again. He was going to be out in the field, with a whole host of unknowns. A whole host of things he might not be able to predict or control.
What if something happened to one of his team again?
The guilt had almost destroyed him last time. What if something happened to Violet? It almost didn’t bear thinking about.
He pressed his fingers closer to hers and gave her a little smile while Frank continued with the briefing.
He would keep her safe. He had to.
He couldn’t think beyond that.
“Wow. What did you think of all that?”
It was an hour later and they were sitting in the dining room in the HWF building.
“So much for having a last supper before starting on the job.” She glanced around at her surroundings. They’d been advised not to leave the building at night, and neither of them had wanted to ignore the security brief.
“It’s probably for the best. We’ve got an early start tomorrow with the flight to Natumba.”
He was pushing his food around the plate, his mind obviously on other things.
“So, how do you feel about it?” She felt as if something was caught in her throat. Would he feel the same way she did? Sick with nerves? She hadn’t expected this. She hadn’t planned for it.
His eyes met hers. And she could almost see the shutters go down. It was apparent he wasn’t going to tell her how he was feeling about it all. After all, he hadn’t even wanted to come here, had he? He’d been more or less pushed into this.
She’d chosen to come here. She should have been better prepared for what she was getting into. The briefing today had knocked her for six. Would she even sleep tonight?
Sleep. That other issue.
“Did you manage to get the sleeping arrangements sorted out?” Evan had said he would try and talk to someone about finding another room.
He looked up from his plate, a smile dancing across his lips. “Yes and no.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’ve got us some extra pillows.”
“And what are they for?”
“To put down the middle of the bed.” She almost dropped her fork. They were still sleeping in the same bed? Oh, no.
Her skin was starting to tingle. The hairs on her arms were standing on end. Sharing a bed with Evan Hunter? Pillows or not, she wouldn’t sleep a wink.
“You okay with that?”
He seemed so cool. So calm and collected. His mind was obviously focused on the job and not doing a merry dance around the thoughts of a heated kiss a few months ago.
Not the way hers was.
“I’m fine with that.” She put her fork down. “I’ve had enough. I think I want to get to bed early.”
She’d said the words. She hadn’t meant them to come out sounding like that. Sounding as if she was hinting at something. She wanted to die of embarrassment and felt the rush of blood to her cheeks.
Evan kept his eyes fixed on his dinner plate. He handed over the key to the room. “I’ll let you go on ahead. I’ve got some things to work out with Frank. We’ll probably be talking late into the night. Leave the door on the latch. I promise I won’t wake you when I come up.”
She nodded and just about grabbed the key from his hand, thankful that he seemed to have missed the implication of her words. “Good night, then.” She sped off to the room. The sooner she had her head under the covers the better.
This was going to be a long night.
Evan watched her retreating back. In the artificially lit room he could see her silhouette through her thin yellow dress, showing the curve of her bottom and hips. He did his best to look away.
This was all going to end in disaster.
He’d lied. He didn’t have to see Frank about anything. He’d been given all the information he could possibly need.
The worst thing was that he’d left all the paperwork in the room. He was going to have to hang around and kill time with nothing to do.
It had seemed easier to make something up. To let her slip away and get to the room without him pretending not to watch her every move.
Leave the door on the latch. He cringed