Hykie Berg
ULTIMATE SURVIVOR
Hykie Berg
Lux Verbi
I dedicate this book to my wife, Melissa Berg, the Berg family, Ihan Hutchinson and Abba Father.
PREFACE
This book is about hope; real hope. Hope in action. It’s hope that you, the reader, can receive – whether or not you’re an addict – and use to change your life into something greater. This book doesn’t try to deliver a judgement on the amount of drugs, alcohol, sex, food or gambling that might be present in your life, or whatever you are or were addicted to. It also doesn’t try to judge how bad you were or how bad you think you’ve become. It simply shows you how you can escape your dilemma and start to live a meaningful life.
We all have a story to tell, and I share mine gladly. There’s only one thing, in my opinion, in which I’m an expert – and that’s in being myself: Hykie Berg.
Since the timeless moments even before creation, there’s never been another being with my soul, heart, eyes, ears, hands, hair or mouth. There’s never been someone like me, and there never will be. I’m unique, just like you. No one has, or ever will, live my life; just like no one has, or ever will, live yours. Our experiences, hopes and abilities are all unique.
I’m an expert in being Hykie Berg, and that has value, just like your story has value.
In this book I focus on my years of struggling with heroin and cocaine, and the road I took in order to be able to gain certain insights. The book features parts of my life story, woven into the principles of the Twelve Steps I had to follow to recover from my addiction. Consider this book a guide to help you.
I believe with my whole heart that the Twelve Steps discussed here, which have helped millions of people worldwide, are applicable to everyone and not just addicts. They’ll help anyone who wants to escape from their addictive, self-destructive and/or compulsive behaviour. I’ve included a description of each of the Twelve Steps – not only to mark the stages of my own journey, but also to serve as signposts on your unique road to recovery and healing, and to a life of victory and passion.
The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous are a lifestyle, a gateway to the profound secrets that God wants to reveal to us. It’s not a self-help ladder that we climb from one level to the next and swoosh! we’re exactly who, what and where we want to be.
It’s a lifelong process of applying the principles.
The principles of the Twelve Steps can be applied to any form of addiction or challenge: alcoholism (or drug and alcohol abuse), process addiction such as compulsive overeating and other food addictions, sex and pornography addiction, gambling addiction, emotional addiction, dysfunctional behaviour and adult-child syndrome. If you’re in the destructive phase of your addiction, where you can no longer control whether or not to use your substances, and your life has spiralled completely out of control, it’s important that you go to a rehabilitation centre. This book isn’t the cure; personal responsibility for your choices and your life, however, is.
I write about the Twelve Steps with great respect. If it weren’t for the Twelve Steps, I’d most likely never have reached a place where I had something to live for. I simply wouldn’t have known God, much less overcome my addiction.
The Twelve Steps are a bridge to help us overcome life’s challenges, so we can learn to know God. With God’s help, I’ve tried to explain the meaning of the Twelve Steps, to show you, the reader, what the steps have meant to me over the years and what they could mean to you. I also illustrate how my idea of God changed during my recovery process.
A radical recovery process requires that you re-evaluate your understanding of God. Our understanding of God is greatly influenced by other people and their idea of who He is.
Unfortunately, people aren’t perfect, so we often receive our greatest wounds from the church and our parents who serve God.
As a result, you distance yourself from the name ‘God’, used by this group of people who have inflicted so much pain. So, in order for us to move past our wounds, we will need a new understanding of God. This new understanding is only possible through a rebirth in the Spirit.
The Bible is the spoken Word of the Holy Spirit, the foundation and guide to a deeper understanding of who God is and His purpose for our lives. ‘Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again’ (John 3:3). To be born again in the Spirit is an unmistakable act of God. It’s as mysterious as the wind, as miraculous as God Himself. We’ve no idea where it begins; it’s hidden within the depths of our personal lives. To be born again in the Spirit is an everlasting beginning; an ever-present vigour in our thoughts, words and lives; and the continuous amazement of a life dependent on God.
To me, God is the beginning and the end, the Creator of heaven and earth, my first love, the source of all my needs. He is the truth that cannot be broken. God is my Dad, my King, my Saviour and my Judge. Through His Spirit everything is revealed, created and shaped in His glory so all may know He is the mighty God of Israel. In God I find my joy.
Yet, I did not meet God in my joy, but rather in my addiction and pain. My younger sister, Magrikie, always says: ‘God allows the things He hates the most to accomplish the things that He loves the most.’ Today I believe this wholeheartedly.
It’s often in our pain that we find our calling. Unfortunately, many people never face these demons, and thousands of people miss their true calling. Many people refuse to accept responsibility for their wounds and brokenness, and that’s how their lives turn into a monotonous journey to nowhere. Fear keeps them from looking at their faults. People don’t want to deal with their issues, because it hurts and exposes them. To make yourself vulnerable is very difficult and nobody enjoys it. It takes courage and determination. Your attitude towards your recovery process and your ability to identify with people who’ve gone through similar struggles become, in the end, gifts to someone else.
Many people ask me: ‘Hykie, how does someone get clean?’ There’s no simple answer. Even Rabbi Abraham J Twerski, author of Addictive Thinking and one of the world’s leading authorities on addiction, can’t explain why some people see the light while others don’t.
It’s a combination of many factors, elements that are discussed in this book.
Know this: recovery is possible. It doesn’t matter how far your path of destruction stretches; as long as you breathe, there’s hope. There’s always hope.
I consider this book a part of my responsibility to myself and to my daily recovery from my illness, but also to those who still suffer from the pain and despair caused by addictive or destructive behaviour.
This book gives you more than just hope.
It helps you with critical life choices and decisions that will eventually lead you to a place of freedom – a new life and a new joy.
Be brave and take the first step.
THE BEGINNING
‘My name is Hykie Berg and I am a recovering addict.’
That’s how I and thousands of addicts across the world introduce ourselves within the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) community. We say ‘recovering’, because no one is ever fully recovered. A person can get clean and start leading a wonderful life, but someone with the illness of addiction will never ever be able to use drugs or alcohol without it taking over their life. You’ll never be able to control it. The only solution is complete abstinence.
Addiction is a life-threatening disease, an illness that can never be fully cured. It can, however, be seized, handled, exposed at the source and fought. Like someone somewhere once said, ‘It isn’t the alcohol that’s the problem, but the alcoholism – the “-ism” – the illness that has to be tackled with all our might.’
Today I’m able to say that I’ve broken free from active addiction. It certainly wasn’t an easy path to walk. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever