Acknowledgement
Acknowledgements
We need to thank our partner, who, without her unwavering support this would not have been written, let alone published. The patience and understanding she has shown, despite being faced with so many of us (and let’s face it, not all of us are nice!) has been nothing short of a miracle. Thank you. We love you more than we could ever say.
And thanks to Dr David ____. Without his guidance, expertise and never ending serenity we would not have been able to learn, understand and accept both who we are and who we can become. Thank you, Herr Doktor.
About This Book
We are called The Collective. The Collective is the group of members (commonly called ‘alters’) that reside within the body of Jo, a 46 year old woman. Although we did not have a name for it in the childhood or early adulthood, approximately 15 -20 years ago Jo was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).
The Collective is real. The members are real. Their thoughts, feelings and memories are all their own (although some details may have been left out for confidentiality).
Dr David ____ is our psychiatrist and has known the Collective for many years. This book is, for the most part centred on a tumultuous period in our life when, if it wasn’t for David’s support, the vast majority of us feel we would have not made it through. Due to his expertise and never ending patience, we did, indeed, come out the other side – bruised and battered perhaps, but we survived.
And so it is this therapeutic relationship of a person with DID and their primary mental health professional that the vast majority of this book is based on. However we did take some artistic liberty in regards to the therapy sessions.
Firstly, what is attributed solely to Dr David is actually more an amalgamation of a few different mental health professionals (psychologists, mental health nurses, social workers and three different psychiatrists). We have seen quite a few professionals over the years, but it was decided that to save any confusion it would be easier for the reader if we simply credited it to the one person who has worked with Jo and the Collective the vast majority of the time and has, by far, helped us the most. If we have offended you, Herr Doktor, or indeed anyone else, we apologise.
Furthermore, time and the distressing nature of the content has meant the concrete memories of therapy has somewhat eroded, especially when it comes to the recall of the teens and littles/children. Their accounts/stories could not be substantiated, which caused a great deal of concern when talking through the notion of publishing. In the end it was decided how the particular members recalled it was how it would be written without trying to analyse the content or attempting to go back and trying to confirm their stories. If this how they choose to remember their therapy sessions, then who are we to tell them they must be mistaken or their stories can’t be factual? Hopefully we do them and the process justice.
Finally, we need to acknowledge we are a work in progress and will, in all likelihood, be one for many more years. We are still in therapy with Dr David, and it is unclear how long this will be the case. Yet it was decided the book needed an ending, a sense of completion for the reader. So, as much as we would love to say the ending is 100% accurate, alas it is not. In many ways the ending is more one of wishful thinking, one that we hope will be possible in the not too distant future.
The Collective
The Collective
Adults
Trudi- A main alter in the Collective. Trudi makes the rules and decisions based on the needs of the Collective. She is the one who will always remind the Collective “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.” In other words, the Collectives’ needs as a whole are more important than the individual members.
An emotionless alter, she rarely comes out to interact with ‘outsiders’ any longer, and prefers to communicate with David via letters.
Demise– (Pronounced as ‘Denise’.) Demise is the enforcer. She used to be pure violence and repeatedly threatened to ‘take them all out’ (commit suicide/kill the body/Jo). In the past, she has caused physical injury to outsiders that she felt were threatening the Collective.
With therapy she has become less violent and less focused on destroying the Collective. Now, Trudi and Demise usually work in tandem - when Trudi needs to address the Collective, Demise will be with her, to ensure everyone stays in line.
Presently she rarely emerges out front, but, much to Dr David’s chagrin, she continues to threaten and cause physical harm to members of the Collective and Jo.
Sam–Sam is a protector. A strong alter, her aggressive language and attitude meant that most outsiders didn’t know how to cope with her and so would beat a hasty retreat or try and steer clear of her - which was ultimately what she wanted.
Sam is a staunch feminist, and hates men with a passion. She used to often talk of cutting off certain male ‘appendages’ to make the world a better place (which Dr David handled with remarkable calm). To her, the best way to protect the Collective is to isolate them.
Toni– The other alter primarily responsible for keeping up the pretence we are ‘Jo’. Toni is fairly emotionless, and is known to be the practical one. She helps keep the Collective on track, doing what needs to be done to make sure they get through the day. She doesn’t create waves, preferring to just go along with the flow, as long as the daily tasks are being performed and outsiders are not aware the Collective exists.
Toni would say she doesn’t have any hobbies as such and merely does whatever needs to be done - although she does seem to enjoy watching foreign movies and documentaries or reading when she has some spare time.
Linda– Linda is one of the main members that is out front when outsiders think they are talking to Jo. She has more emotions than the majority of the Collective, which serves a valuable purpose when interacting with outsiders, yet it can cause her some difficulties at times.
Linda craves knowledge and education. She is keen on being healthy and is the driving force behind the Collective looking after themselves physically.
Linda loves to cook and is a keen crafter. Linda’s perfect day is sipping on a freshly brewed cup of tea whilst cooking or knitting.
Jordan– Jordan is a protector and is the final member who is out front a great deal of the time. She is known as a straight talker and doesn’t believe in holding back or pulling any punches. Her being out front has resulted in many outsider’s confusion, as she forgets (or perhaps merely doesn’t want) to keep up the pretence she is ‘Jo’.
She is one who self-injures (cutting or ‘slashing’ as it is commonly called) and this is an urge she continues to fight.
Jordan’s perfect day is sitting with a cup of herbal tea and watching a classic horror movie – as she says “the cheesier, the better”.
Jordan is firmly planted on the ‘all men are bastards’ camp, which has created quite a lot of issues in the past (especially when Jo was married).
Dianne– Dianne’s main function out front is to deal with Jo’s mother. She does not like the mother at all, so stands her ground with her – which has resulted in some serious conflicts.
She comes to the fore when interaction with the mother is needed, but if she does have any spare time she will have her nose in a book. Her time within is occupied by caring for the teens and littles.
Catherine– Catherine is a newer member. She is a confident, warm alter, who is happy to just exist. She has a special bond with Jo, and is a firm advocate in supporting her in a way the rest of the Collective does not.
She is a proficient pianist and whenever she has the opportunity, she will be practising for as long as possible. She is also an avid writer and likes to write young adult novels which she hopes to get published.
Kat– Kat is another new member, and not a lot is known about her at this stage although it