CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As this book is inextricably connected to the film upon which it is based, my gratitude extends to people involved in both the creation of the film and of the book. The title is the same for each: Forgiveness: A Time to Love and a Time to Hate.
Above all, I owe a particular debt to my executive producer, Paul Dietrich, who approached me four years ago with an offer to make a film and a companion book about forgiveness. His passion for the subject was an inducement. Equally so was his willingness to give me complete artistic freedom. I am also grateful to his business partner and executive producer, Ian Watson. He shared Paul’s passionate engagement with the subject and offered his encouragement throughout the long period it took me to bring both projects to completion.
My friend Monsignor Lorenzo Albacete was my primary consultant on the film and book, providing invaluable insights about what became its central theme: the existential, as opposed to the religious, roots of forgiveness. He was present throughout the years, whether late at night on the phone or over dinner, always encouraging, listening, and willing to review the material in all of its iterations.
My other key consultant, Thane Rosenbaum, was similarly involved. Our first conversation was unforgettable for it came at a discouraging period midway through the research. He understood immediately what I wanted to do, believed in its importance and shared his deep knowledge generously.
I am grateful for my other consultants:
Charles Griswold was finishing his own, soon-to-be acclaimed book on forgiveness when I approached him. His enthusiastic support and appreciation, along with his authoritative text was immensely important. Arthur Magida, ever practical, always seemed to be able to find entrés for me into inaccessible worlds, or to suggest fresh voices. Phyllis Tickel, wise and witty, provided decisive help at the very beginning. Her resounding, “Yes, make this film, you are on the right track!” put needed wind in my sails. My close friend and co-writer on previous projects, Jane Barnes, was an essential sounding board for my thinking as it evolved. Nir Eisikovits raised important questions and illuminated vital distinctions between forgiveness, sympathy, and empathy.
While forgiveness is of theological concern within all the major religions, there are differences within and between the traditions. I appreciate the many people who shared their knowledge about this subject. Rabbi Irvin Kula and Rabbi Brad Hirshfeldt helped clarify the importance of forgiveness within the Jewish tradition. Jeff Jacoby was willing to discuss the different emphasis on forgiveness within Christianity and Judaism. My close friend Hillel Levine provided me with essential Jewish texts along with his own readings.
In the opening part of the book that focuses on forgiveness in the personal realm, I received invaluable help, sometimes from a variety of sources:
Amish forgiveness is difficult to comprehend because of the reluctance of its members to be interviewed. Professor Ray Gingerich, formerly Amish, provided an important perspective from a sympathetic, but not uncritical insider. I am also grateful to Tim Messler for his reporting on the Amish community. Janet Landman, the biographer of Katherine Power, provided me with essential insights about Power’s ethical transformation. My close friend David Harris guided me through the history of the anti-war movement and provided an essential political frame to Power’s story. Rebecca Wexler reviewed all the material in the book relating to the emerging field of science and forgiveness and her suggestions for the chapter on Judith Shaw-McKnight were especially helpful. Terri Jentz was not only the subject of one of the stories of the film but a valuable guide to my thinking about the importance of anger in healing. My friend Leslie Karsten provided important psychological insights into Don Robeson and the Glick family as well elegant editing for these and other chapters.
Political forgiveness, the subject of the second part of the book, is elusive, complicated, baffling, even counter-intuitive. Here I owe a special debt of gratitude to Donald Shriver. His book, An Ethic for Enemies: Forgiveness in Politics, was a revelation. I am also grateful to Walter Reich, Geoffrey Hartmann, and Elisabeth Young-Bruehl in sharing their erudition and reflections about the Holocaust and the controversy surrounding Bitburg. Ben Nienass, the reporter for the Germany shoot, carefully reviewed the chapters on Germany’s penitential journey and South Africa’s TRC. His ideas immensely improved the text.
I am grateful to my conversations with Rhoda E. Howard-Hassmann and Mark Gibney. Both of them, along with their excellent book, The Age of Apology, affirmed the growing importance of public apology. Nicholas Tavuchis, a pioneer in the studies of apology, generously spent hours with me detailing how his thinking had changed over the years—all of this in the middle of a violent thunderstorm. Without the insights of Antoine Rutayisire and Alison des Forges the chapter on Rwanda would not have been possible. Alison’s lenses were of a darker hue than Antoine’s, and both were indispensable. My gratitude extends to my friend Mia Farrow who opened her vast rolodex when I asked for help in finding Rwandan survivors of the genocide. Through Mia we discovered Beatha Uwazaninka who, along with Antoine, became a central voice of the Rwandan chapter. My friend Katherine Kurs led me to Father Petero Sabune, whose insights into the minds of the Rwandan killers were uniquely valuable. I am grateful to Peter Balakian who, along with Robert Jay Lifton, became the touchstone for my thinking about the Armenian genocide and its place in the book and film.
Personal friends not only gave their time reviewing the manuscript but they also offered their talents as writers and thinkers. David Berlinski reflects on adultery in chapter five about the Longs. His insights have a depth and originality about infidelity—“this unfathomable injury”—that I believe are unmatched by any other writer on the subject. Peter Hawkins, the esteemed expert on Dante, discusses why the poet, in a startling reversal of the traditional hierarchy of sins, describes betrayal as the worst of all. Novelist Michele Zackheim wrote an inspired introduction to chapter six: The Last Taboo. Author Lesley Karsten’s reflections on the corrosive effects of anger in chapter four, Don Robeson were equally enlightening. Ben Nienass added important comments in the chapters about South African and Germany. Professor Richard Neugebauer offered provoking ideas about the complexities of forgiveness in Rwanda, in particular how the dead make powerful claims upon us.
There were many excellent articles and books that provided invaluable insight and did much of the hard work that made my overview possible. I would like to single out several whose thinking truly altered the course of my thinking: Patricia Haynor’s comparative study about the growing number of truth commissions in Third World countries provided an essential framework to understand them. Paul Van Zyl’s articles and on-camera interview offered wisdom and appropriate caution about the role of forgiveness and reconciliation in the political realm. Mahmood Mamdani’s article, Reconciliation without Justice, and our subsequent interview both complicated and deepened my thinking about South Africa and Rwanda. Antije Krog’s memoir, Country of My Skull: Guilt, Sorrow and the Limits of Forgiveness in the New South Africa, was arguably the best—and most bracing—work on this subject that I have yet read. Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela’s memoir, A Human Being Died That Night: A South African Story of Forgiveness, is a more positive interpretation of the TRC and, along with her interview, provided another layer to my own thinking. Piers Pigou’s article, The Murder of Sicelo Dlomo, helped me understand the vast differences of opinion in South Africa about the legacy of the TRC. Brandon Hamber’s article, Forgiveness and Reconciliation in the 21st Century; Paradise lost or Pragmatism, marked a decisive moment in my research. He raised questions that refined my own: Why is forgiveness in the air today? What does it say about us and the times we live in?
I am especially grateful to my editors Ed and Deb Shapiro, who are the award-winning authors of Be The Change: How Meditation Can Transform You and The World and Your Body Speaks Your Mind. While I was finishing the film, they organized my writings for the book into a rough assembly that was extremely helpful. We had a pressing deadline and their work enabled me to write quickly and efficiently. In addition they devoted long hours both before and during the Christmas holidays to carefully reviewing each chapter. Their