Praise for Step Out of Your Story
“This book presents many helpful ideas with clarity and humor. There is something for every individual seeking the golden thread or ‘yellow brick road’ that leads from suffering to joy and from pain to spiritual health.”
— Nancy Rosanoff, spiritual counselor and author of Intuition Workout
“Our life histories shape us, our attitudes, our life views, and our relationships as well as our strengths and weaknesses. Kim Schneiderman’s book is a fantastic demonstration of this.”
— Samuel C. Klagsbrun, MD, executive medical director, Four Winds Hospital
“Read this ingeniously devised book, do the exercises, and discover how you can step out of your story and take control of your life.”
— Albert J. Bernstein, PhD, author of Dinosaur Brains and Emotional Vampires
“Step Out of Your Story is a truly fresh approach to reflective writing. By placing our own lives in the context of plotlines, characters, and narrative devices, Kim Schneiderman provides an ingenious way to twist our culture’s fascination with reality TV and sensational movies and channel it toward the story that matters most: the narrative of our own lives. Both entertaining and evocative, this book’s approach to self-awareness promises to reveal a fascinating story you may not have realized was inside you.”
— Marney K. Makridakis, author of Creating Time and Hop, Skip, Jump
“In Step Out of Your Story, Kim Schneiderman shows us in step-by-step, practical, and creative exercises how to change our lives by changing our stories. What an innovative way to channel our natural storytelling abilities into a powerful ally for a richer, more satisfying life.”
— Judy Reeves, author of Wild Women, Wild Voices
| New World Library14 Pamaron WayNovato, California 94949 |
Copyright © 2015 by Kim Schneiderman
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, or other — without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
The material in this book is intended for education. No expressed or implied guarantee of the effects of the use of the recommendations can be given nor liability taken.
Text design by Tona Pearce Myers and Tracy Cunningham
Plot diagram that first appears on page 20 by Tracy Cunningham
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Schneiderman, Kim, date.
Step out of your story : writing exercises to reframe and transform your life / Kim Schneiderman, LCSW, MSW
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-60868-232-4 (paperback) — ISBN 978-1-60868-233-1 (ebook)
1. Narrative therapy. 2. Psychotherapy—Problems, exercises, etc. 3. Personal construct therapy. I. Title.
RC489.S74S36 2015
616.89'165—dc23
2015010467
First printing, June 2015
ISBN 978-1-60868-232-4
Printed in the USA on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper
| New World Library is proud to be a Gold Certified Environmentally Responsible Publisher. Publisher certification awarded by Green Press Initiative. www.greenpressinitiative.org |
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To my parents, Linda and Bernie Schneiderman, who live on through the stories we tell about them
CONTENTS
Chapter One. Embracing the Story Lens on Life
Chapter Two. Shifting Your Perspective
Chapter Three. Getting to Know the Star of Your Story
Chapter Four. The Roles We Play
Chapter Five. Who’s Writing Your Script?
Chapter Six. Naming and Describing Your Chapter
Chapter Seven. Doom or Bloom: Exploring the Power of Spin
Chapter Eight. Conflict: The Ultimate Character Workout
Chapter Nine. Reading Between the Lines: Exploring Character Strengths and Vulnerabilities
Chapter Ten. Using Dialogue to Mine Your Story and Transform Your Character
Chapter Eleven. Supporting Characters and Other Resources
Chapter Twelve. Climax: As Your Story Turns
Chapter Thirteen. Falling Action: Getting the Closure You Need
Chapter Fourteen. Resolution: Finding the Silver-Lining Narrative
Chapter Fifteen. Epilogue: Imagining What’s Next
Chapter Sixteen. Step Back into Your Story
Chapter Seventeen. Your Work in Progress
Acknowledgments
Notes
About the Author
What matters in life is not what happens to you, but what you remember and how you tell it.
— Gabriel García Márquez, Gabriel Living to Tell the Tale
When I was a little girl, I used to sign my name “Kim S., in person.” Between my highly active imagination, my obsession with Nancy Drew books, and my daily diet of television, I had the uncanny sense that I was a character in a story. I couldn’t exactly say why or who was watching. Perhaps it was because of my well-meaning but marginally overbearing parents or the inflated sense of self-importance that afflicts many would-be writers who imagine themselves as the stars of their own terribly compelling dramas.
My sense of being a character, though tempered by maturity, followed me into adulthood, where I kept it under wraps, while secretly turning to my “Kim S.” alter ego in times of stress. Whenever I had a “why me?” moment — times when I felt victimized by difficult people or circumstances — I’d imagine reading about the exact same situation in a novel. First, I would ask myself,