Already she had remembered moments from the past that would have been best left forgotten, happy moments as well as sad. Moments when the way Jake looked at her had made her pulse race.
But no more, Megan vowed. No matter what Alice Radford or anyone else seemed to think. She had gotten herself into an untenable situation with her bravado, and she had no choice but to see it through. On her own, just as she’d always done, regardless of how helpful Jake tried to be.
He hadn’t been there for her when she needed him after Will’s death. She had no intention of counting on him being there for her now. She had learned her lesson well where he was concerned, and she wasn’t about to forget it anytime soon.
Chapter Four
Jake asked Darcy not to disturb him unless it was an emergency, then walked back to his office, shut the door, and closed the blinds on the window that looked out on the rest of the police station. The lavender scent of the soap Megan used lingered in the air along with the faint smell of baby powder, making it harder than it should have been for him to collect his thoughts.
When he sat back in his desk chair and closed his eyes, he could still see Megan sitting across from him, holding little Matthew in her arms. Hell, he could almost feel her there with him. And oddly enough, it was a feeling he was in no hurry to dispel.
Not once in all the months that Jake had been chief of police had he imagined Megan would come to see him at the station. That only a few minutes ago she had been tending to a baby right here in his office was almost more than he could believe. He hadn’t anticipated just how unsettled he would be by the sight of his former wife holding a baby in her arms, either. Until then, he hadn’t realized just how much he had lost, through his own fault.
Hearing that she had also completed the training necessary to serve as a foster parent had given him an additional jolt. He’d been reminded, none too gently, of how little he now knew about Megan’s day-to-day activities, and that had saddened him deeply. They had always been so close, shared so much. Until she’d left him.
No, that wasn’t true. Until he had left her alone to cope with their newborn son. That was when she had first drawn away from him, because he had drawn away from her. He had been the one to go off on one assignment, then another, as he’d always done, sure that Megan would manage on her own as she had always done.
She had managed, of course, just as she would with Matthew. But that fact didn’t lessen the dismay Jake had felt ever since she’d agreed to care for the baby.
Mentally, he had cursed Alice Radford for even suggesting it. Megan’s reluctance had been obvious to him, and understandable, yet the social worker hadn’t seemed to notice. She had pressed Megan into service without the slightest hesitation, and Megan, bless her kind heart, hadn’t seemed able to refuse.
Jake had no doubt at all about Megan’s ability to care for Matthew. Despite the fear she’d voiced during her pregnancy that being orphaned at an early age might have left her lacking in maternal instincts, she had been a wonderful mother to Will. She would be equally devoted to Matthew, as well, and therein lay the real cause for his concern.
Jake had seen how attached Megan had become to the baby in the short time she’d already cared for him. The longer she was responsible for him, the more her bond with him would grow. Not a bad thing, at all, especially if it was determined that the baby truly had been abandoned. Megan, being his primary caregiver, would then be able to adopt him, as she probably would.
But if he did his job and found the baby’s mother, as he was fairly sure he could do in a town the size of Serenity, Texas, then Megan could very well be devastated by the loss of another child—all thanks to him.
For the first time in his career as a law enforcement officer, Jake found himself faced with a dilemma to which he could see no favorable solution. He had hurt Megan so much already. And if he did as she asked, if he found Matthew’s mother so she could be reunited with her infant son, Megan would be hurt again, possibly as much as she had been when Will died.
There wasn’t anything Jake wanted to have happen less.
But Megan would know if he gave the search for Matthew’s mother less than his best shot, and she wouldn’t thank him for it. For the first time since she’d left him, she had come to him for help. He couldn’t let her down, even in a no-win situation that promised heartache for her, as well for him.
What he could do, Jake acknowledged, was use his skills as an investigator to bring this particular case to a close just as soon as possible. The less time Megan spent with Matthew, the easier it would be for her to let him go. Which meant that he’d wasted enough time trying to sort out his own mixed emotions.
He had to get out on the street and start asking questions while the memory of a young woman pushing a baby stroller, either somewhere near the bus station or near Megan’s house early that morning, would still be fresh in people’s minds. Surely someone had seen something that would eventually lead him in the right direction.
With a sense of determination born of desperation, Jake pushed away from his desk, crossed his office and opened the door. To his relief, all was quiet in the station. One of the two young officers who had been there earlier had gone out on patrol as scheduled. The other sat at a desk using the hunt-and-peck method to type up a report on the annual end-of-school-year rash of senior pranks that thankfully had fallen far short of actual vandalism.
Darcy, too, seemed to be busy, apparently catching up on the filing. Jake had no doubt that once he left the station, she would have the telephone lines buzzing as she spread the word about the baby abandoned on Megan’s front porch.
He could ask her to keep the information confidential, and she would. But what good would that do? The dozen or more people around town who, by now, had more than likely seen Megan with the baby would have been talking about it for more than an hour already. Better to let Darcy put out the straight story so any wild rumors could be nipped in the bud right away.
Jake paused by the bank of filing cabinets, and Darcy glanced up at him expectantly.
“I’m going to see what I can find out about the woman who left her baby at Mrs. Cahill’s house,” he said. “I’ll be heading over to the bus station first, then talking to people in her neighborhood. I’ll have my cell phone with me in case you need me for anything.”
“The woman who left the baby—was she young or old?” Darcy asked, her bright blue eyes sparkling with unabashed curiosity.
“Most likely young.”
“Was Mrs. Cahill able to give you a description?”
“Vague at best. It was too dark for her to get a good look at her. But there’s a chance someone else saw her and maybe recognized her. I trust you’ll be talking to your friends about it. Let me know if you hear anything, okay?”
“I certainly will, Chief Cahill,” Darcy assured him, her cheeks turning pink as she went back to her filing.
“Thanks, Darcy. See you later.”
Jake never did get back to the police station that Friday. Once started on his search for Matthew’s mother, he couldn’t seem to stop, spurred on as he was by his desire to spare Megan as much heartache as possible. Unfortunately, he hit one dead end after another. Neither of the clerks at the bus station nor any of the people living on Megan’s street remembered seeing a tall, slim young woman dressed in jeans, T-shirt and a baseball cap in the early morning hours, either with or without a baby in tow.
By early evening, Jake finally began to run out of steam. He would have to check back at the bus station later in case the woman had arrived during the late shift Thursday night. But he doubted that clerk would be any more interested