Caroline Smailes and Nik Perring
Freaks!
Illustrated by Darren Craske
Dedication
To all who, if only for a moment,
felt that they didn’t belong.
Epigraph
‘But Lord! to see the absurd nature of Englishmen, that cannot forbear laughing and jeering at everything that looks strange’
SAMUEL PEPYS (1633–1703)
Contents
Title Page
Dedication
Epigraph
My Lover’s Shoes Don’t Fit Me (Any More)
I Want You to Ride Me Like a Pony
Acknowledgements
About the Authors
Other Books by Caroline Smailes, Nik Perring and Darren Craske
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
THE FREAKS:
Some of these stories have been written by Nik. Some of these stories have been written by Caroline. Some we’ve written together. But in the true spirit of superheroes, we couldn’t possibly reveal our identities.
THE STORIES:
The Photocopier. Statuesque. Charlie and the Bees. The Six Days of Stetson. She Sees Too. The Freak Show. Clipped Wings. In Her Basket. Fifty Per Cent (1). Fifty Per Cent (2). Invisible. Sixteen. Faulty Baby. Dancing With Annie. Soup. The Boner. Hello. One Day. Zombie Bangers. Getting the Girl. They Are There to Listen. Weight. Molly. Dear You. Control. No Sudden Movements. Dream Lover (1). Dream Lover (2). Once I Caught a Fish Alive. Before I Lost You. The Plastic Boy. Translated. The Girl Who Made People Glad. My Boss. My Lover’s Shoes Don’t Fit Me (Any More). Skinny Bitch. The Watermelon King. Dolly’s Magic Sweater. Jimmy Swift. Damaged. My Dad’s Boyfriend. Betty. I Want You to Ride Me Like a Pony. Magic Beans. Boy. What He Said. Wish You Were Here (1). Wish You Were Here (2). Beauty. Maman, Flying.