JOSH KILMER-PURCELL
Candy Everybody Wants
For my family.
I grant you this brief respite from memoir.
The media have created a new ‘electronic reality,’ suffused with images and symbols, which has obliterated any sense of an objective reality behind the symbols…In hyperreality it is no longer possible to distinguish the imaginary from the real.
—Kumar
Thanks. I already turned down the part you’re playing.
—Helen Lawson
Table of Contents
Praise for Josh Kilmer-Purcell’s I Am Not Myself These Days
DALLASTY! OCONOMOWOC LANDING.
A JAYSON BLOCHER PRODUCTION DIRECTED BY JAYSON BLOCHER WRITTEN BY JAYSON BLOCHER CASTING BY JAYSON BLOCHER COSTUMES AND MAKEUP BY JAYSON BLOCHER
EPISODE III: CORNFIELDS ABLAZE!!!
SCENE 18
Open on PATRICIA EWING, and AMETHYST CARRINGTON
sunbathing on floating diving platform in skimpy string bikinis. Patricia Ewing looks totally sexy wearing a swirly Pucci suit, and Amethyst Carrington also looks hot in a Lily Pulitzer extravaganza. J. B. EWING paddles up in the convertible Ewing-Carrington pedal boat.
PATRICIA EWING: (sarcastic) Well hello there J.B., you jerkface. Welcome home from work.
AMETHYST CARRINGTON: He is not a Jerkface AT ALL, Patrica! He is the father of our child! Who will one day inherit control of all of the Ewing-Carrington farmland!
J.B.: (setting drink on dock and climbing out of pedal boat) For your information, ALL OF THE EWING-CARRINGTON CORNFIELDS HAVE BEEN SET ABLAZE!
AMETHYST CARRINGTON: NO! J.B.: YES!
AMETHYST CARRINGTON: NO! J.B.: YES THEY HAVE!
PATRICIA: I hope my husband Robbie is out there saving the day.
J.B.: Why would he be? Your loser husband, who is my loser brother, was the one that set them on fire!
PATRICIA: