If you are a middle manager or senior executive, leading a team of 50 or 50,000, grounding your leadership in your best self is equally important. It's a dangerous trap to think that having made it to a certain level – even to the C-suite – your focus should look only outward: on developing the organization's goals, achieving targets, and managing others to do their best.
No one is beyond becoming their best self. At this point in my life, I have been CFO, president, CEO, and chairman of a $12 billion global health-care company, with a combined tenure of 11 years at the top of Baxter International. Currently, I'm an executive partner with Madison Dearborn Partners, a Chicago-based private-equity firm, and despite the success I've been lucky to have, I remain just as committed to being my best self as I did when I was starting out in one of those cubicles as a junior analyst, decades ago. As a clinical professor of management and strategy at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management, and a frequent speaker for groups of students, new hires, middle managers, and executive leaders, I stress the importance of being your best self as the foundation to values-based leadership.
Your best self is not about perfection (an impossible and, therefore, futile goal). It is about becoming consistently disciplined and focused, making sure you challenge yourself to truly be your best self – instead of becoming complacent, convinced that you have arrived. No matter how good you are, you can always be better. Being your best self is a lifelong commitment.
Becoming your best self will not occur automatically, nor is it a sudden conversion because some emotionally intelligent light switch has been flipped. It is a process, one that will transform you over time and impact every person with whom you come in contact.
Most people have an innate sense of right and wrong and a set of personal values, even if they don't think about them in a concrete way. Most of us strive to be good people, but we're human; we have good days and bad days. There are times when we say things to people that we regret a moment later. We ask ourselves: Why did I say that? Why did I treat someone like that? Why did I lose my temper with that person? Why did I feel the need to be the know-it-all, instead of valuing others' opinions? Why did I act in ways that are inconsistent with my values?
The answer is that, in those moments, we were not our best selves. This realization may cause us some embarrassment and discomfort, but the purpose is not to feel shame or beat ourselves up. We simply recommit to the journey of becoming better. Even people whom I greatly admire – spiritual leaders, philanthropists, and executive leaders who truly put others first – admit that they are not their best selves every day. When we acknowledge that we've missed the mark, we're just being honest with ourselves. Then we can recommit to the process of being our best selves, to the best of our ability, every day.
In this section, “Your Best Self,” we explore how to use the four principles of values-based leadership to become your best self (which is the foundation for the other bests in the book – best team, best partner, best investment, and best citizen). In Chapter 1, we start with the most important principle of values-based leadership: self-reflection. This fundamental principle enhances your self-awareness and self-knowledge, and allows you to gain insight into your decisions, actions, and interactions with others. Self-reflection leads to the second principle of values-based leadership: balance and perspective. I define this second principle as being open to input and diverse opinions from others, and doing so in a way that improves decision-making. From there, in the second chapter, we move to the principles of true self-confidence and genuine humility, which are complementary – not contradictory. With true self-confidence, we ground our best self in the knowledge of our skills and accomplishments; we know what we know. But we also acknowledge what we don't know, and the benefit of working with others who are strong in areas in which we are weak. We reflect on our strengths and weaknesses, and understand what we can become and not become. Genuine humility reminds us of the value of every person, the importance of showing respect to everyone, and never forgetting where we came from.
The four principles of values-based leadership are the road and the guardrails, leading us toward the goal of becoming our best. Like all journeys, it has a clear beginning: becoming your best self.
Chapter 1
The Self-Reflective, Balanced Leader
Self-reflection is the most important tool in the values-based leadership toolbox. It is the intentional practice of stepping back, filtering out noise and distractions, and looking inward to gain clarity on what matters most to you, personally and professionally. By being self-reflective, you think deeply about issues so you can make choices that are aligned with your values. You also gain a fuller awareness of the impact of your decisions. Self-reflection also provides you with an opportunity to know yourself better, assess your strengths and weaknesses, and understand where you excel and what areas you need to develop.
Without self-reflection it is impossible to become a values-based leader. Unless you pause to reflect on your priorities and what matters most, you can easily become overwhelmed by the sheer number of items on your to-do list and fail to distinguish between real productivity and pointless activity. Self-reflection can be a potent antidote to the all-too-common experiences of worry, fear, anxiety, pressure, and stress, all of which can undermine your intention to be your best self.
Yet even people who understand the concept of self-reflection struggle with how to put it into practice. In the four years since the publication of my first book, From Values to Action, I have given more than 500 talks to diverse audiences, ranging from students to senior leaders in business, government, academia, and the not-for-profit sector, and the dialogue and questions regarding values-based leadership frequently center on the importance of self-reflection. In this chapter, we will start with the foundation of how self-reflection can guide you to become your best self, in every interaction and facing any challenge, every day.
The Importance of Self-Reflection
Self-reflection is the gateway to self-awareness and self-knowledge. The more you understand yourself, the better you are able to relate to other people. Relating to them allows you to influence them, which is how leadership happens. Values-based leadership moves from the inside out, rooted in the knowledge of what you stand for and what matters most – personally and professionally. All of us lead multifaceted lives, with decisions that impact others, including spouses, partners, and children, as well as colleagues, friends, and team members. The choices we make impact our quality of life.
Self-reflection provides an instant window to what is critically important to you – today, in this moment of your life. You'll make some compromises; everyone does. But you can't really know what you're giving up and the impact of these trade-offs unless you stop to reflect. Otherwise, you will move from activity to activity, from one crisis to another, without a sense of direction or purpose. When you are overwhelmed by everything life is throwing at you, you can't possibly expect to be your best self. That's where self-reflection comes in, helping you prioritize and get back on track.
Often when I talk to people, from students to CEOs, I frequently hear that they are surprised by the consequences of their choices – even things that seem obvious, such as a job requiring extremely long hours or frequent travel. All they know is that they feel out of balance and they aren't living in a way that is consistent with their best selves. The negative aspects of work can quickly become exhausting, even putting a strain on personal relationships and family life. When people suffering from such problems wake up to how stressed and unhappy they are, the source of their trouble often comes as a surprise. The root cause in these situations is typically a lack of self-reflection.
On a business trip to the West Coast, I ran into a former student of mine from Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management at Los Angeles International Airport. When “Joe” reintroduced himself, he reminded me that he had been in my class six years earlier. I remembered him as a very bright individual who had really grasped the principles of values-based leadership as we had discussed them in class. However, when I asked how he was doing, he replied, “Honestly, not very well. I'm really surprised at what's happened