First published in Great Britain 2017
by Egmont UK Ltd, The Yellow Building,
1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN
Text and illustration copyright © Jim Smith 2017
The moral rights of the author-illustrator have been asserted.
First e-book edition 2017
ISBN 978 1 4052 8398 4
Ebook ISBN 978 1 7803 1780 9
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library
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CONTENTS
SEVEN BILLION O’CLOCK ON THE DOT
NORMAN WAKES UP
GOZO THE VENDING MACHINE MONSTER
GOZO EATS ALL THE BOOKS
THE FUN PART
POO-WEE!
THE HOVER-RUBBISH TRUCK
BACK AT BUNNY DELI
IT’S A THINGY!
THE LONG STORY
MR X HAS NO SKULL!
THE GREAT RUBBISH CHUTE
THE BIG HAIRY WOMAN
THE GIANT SPACE STRAW
PROF. SMELL
THE SMELL OF MR X’S BRAIN
SNUFFLING FOR THE THINGY
STUCK ON PLANET BIN
ATTACK OF THE SPACE HEDGEHOG
ON THE WAY BACK
BACK IN SHNOZVILLE
FWOOSH!
DISTANT RUMBLE
GOZO’S SWITCH
ACTUKEELY PUTTING A SOCK IN IT
RETURN OF THE WISE OLD VENDING MACHINE
HOW TO GET THE STATUES BACK
HELP YOURSELF
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
THE REUNION
GROUP NOT!
BDAY NITS!
ONE WEEK LATER
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PRAISE FOR MY OTHER BOOKS
Hello, my name is Colin Lamppost. At least it used to be. Then one day me and my cuddly toy bird were inside a wheelie bin when it got hit by lightning.
We were zapped from our home town of Shnozville millions of years into the future and I was transformed into a half boy, half rat, half TV.
Future Ratboy was born.
Now I’ve got aerials sticking out of my head, a telly on my belly, a cape made out of a bin bag and a plug-tail hanging off my bum.
Oh yeah, and my cuddly toy bird got turned into a real-life bird.
He shouts ‘NOT!’ after everything I say.
That’s why I call him Not Bird.
Now we live with Bunny, the owner of Bunny Deli, the keelest burger shop in Future-Shnozville.
(‘Keel’ is how we say ‘cool’ in the future, by the way.)
Bunny Deli is also a sort of orphanage for children whose mums and dads aren’t around.
Like Jamjar, whose mum and dad shrunk themselves to the size of full stops during a science experiment once.
Jamjar’s got five arms and is really brainy.
Then there’s Twoface, who thinks he’s a superhero like me.
His parents are too busy being real-life superheroes to look after him.
And Splorg the blue-skinned alien.
Splorg’s parents were eaten by a black hole when they went out to dinner one night.