Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity. Andy Stanton

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       For Tony McGowan - AS

       For Mrs Aubrey - DT

      First published in Great Britain 2018

      by Egmont UK Limited

      The Yellow Building, 1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN

      Text copyright © 2018 Andy Stanton

      Illustrations copyright © 2018 David Tazzyman

      The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted

      First e-book edition 2018

      978 1 4052 9098 2

      Ebook ISBN 978 1 4052 9257 3

       www.egmont.co.uk

      A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library

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       CONTENTS

       Cover

       Dedication and Copyright

       Title Page

NATBOFF

THE MASSIVE GIANT AND THE FLEA

Bibbering Through the Ages: The Stone Table

Princess Snowflake and the Gypsy King

The Story of Old King Thunderbelly and the Wall of Lamonic Bibber

       Life and Times of Saint Follican

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Ráðghöldeskvúldrr

       A BRIEF HISTORY of the MERRIE OLD KINGS and QUEENS of ENGLAND

       The Two Friends

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Upside-Down Walker on the Bun Shop

       The Duckling and His Mother

       ’TIS RUBBISH BEING A SQUIRREL

       The Witchfinder General

       LORD FAMOUS AND THE PLAGUE

       The GREAT FIRE

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Wednesday O’Leary

       A Fork in the Road

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Madame Strawberries

       The Victorian Age

       The STRANGE CASE of DOCTOR WEMPERS and MR CRIBBINS

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Chimpy Roberts

       To My Wife, Mary

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Frank Nerbles

       Brian Six

       THE FRUIT SCIENTISTS, THE TALKING GRAPES, THE CROWS OF THE FUTURE, THE DISCONNECTED-FACE-BUM-DOGS, THE PENCIL PEOPLE, THE NORMAL PEOPLE, THE ELECTRONIC NOIMPS, THE STUPID ANTS WITH HUMAN HANDS, THE UNITED STATES OF BEING A LION, THE SUBTERRANEAN KINGDOM OF THE CANNIBAL SKELETON ROBOTS, THE NON-EXISTENT MARTIANS, CHARLOTTE GLASS, THE HEXAGONAL PONY, THE GIANT WALKING CHESSMEN, THE CRUMBS OF THE SOUTH AND PLOVER

       Back series promotional page

20,000 YEARS BC

       NATBOFF

      Long long timm go in Lamonic Bibber was cavma days. Bigges cavma was Natboff.

      ‘ME THROW ROCK AT MITY WOOLY MAMMOF!’ say Natboff. ‘HAHA! WOOLY MAMMOF CRY LIKK BABY! NATBOFF BIG AN STRONG! NATBOFF HARIES FATTES CAVMA OF AL TIMM! NATBOFF BESTT!’

      But liff always go rong. Wun day Natboff walkig alonn wen com acros even bigge harier cavma of al timm.

      ‘HOO YOU?’ say Natboff.

      ‘ME CHUNKA!’ say even bigge cavma.

      ‘NATBOFF HATE CHUNKA!’ say Natboff.

      ‘NATBOFF