Continuing to the kitchen, she headed straight to the freezer, where a pint of her favorite ice cream was stashed behind bags of frozen vegetables. She had known in advance the ice cream would be needed. Sabina, her roommate, was out running errands and would be gone for a little while longer—just enough time to start a crime-drama marathon while enjoying her frozen vice without judgment.
But based on the disapproving look on Sabina’s face two hours later, judgment was what she received.
“What’s going on?” Sabina’s eyes took in everything, her finger hooking the rim of the empty carton of ice cream, lifting it for further examination. “Please tell me you didn’t eat this entire thing by yourself. And what’s with the pajamas? Did you just get out of bed?”
Micah searched her mind for something to say to defend herself against the barrage of accusations, but she had nothing. She was guilty of all the above.
“You’ve got to snap out of it, Micah. I know you’re hurting right now. But this has got to end, and preferably soon.”
“Well, it won’t be today. How can I not think about him on a day like this?”
“There’s a difference, though. The rest of us are celebrating his life, while you...while you’ve been acting like he just died. It’s been ten years.” Sabina threw her hand up in exasperation. “Come on. We don’t have time to debate this now. You’re in desperate need of a shower and we’re supposed to meet everyone in two hours.”
* * *
The bright city lights, wailing sirens, honking horns, aggressive drivers fighting through traffic, the slight fish smell left over from market—things that others might complain about. But for Micah it all signified one thing—Boston, her home. She loved every single bit of it: every angry Irishman, Italian mobster, historical landmark and, not to be forgotten, blessed lobstah.
Micah and her four friends—Josh, Sabina, Hanna and Jamie—walked the streets of Boston as if they owned the city. Of course, Sabina, a model, probably thought she did. And Hanna probably could in a few years, at the rate she was going. Micah was definitely the odd one out in this successful, good-looking group, but she had put her best foot forward tonight in a worthy attempt to fit in with them.
It was a Friday night and the city was alive despite the dropping temperatures. As they crossed the busy street together, sounds of Boston’s nightlife came out to greet them. Already-drunk college students littered the streets. One girl in particular stood out as she yelled at every passing taxi, “Do you have a breath mint? Does anyone have a freakin’ breath mint?” What the heck? People were just downright crazy!
This wasn’t Micah’s scene, but it was a sacred night, hence the heels, fancy top and false eyelashes she’d been talked into wearing. It was probably the first time she had dressed up since last October. Her feet were already killing her in these shoes. Sabina always had a way of talking her into something she knew she would regret later.
When going out in public with someone as beautiful as her roommate, you had two choices. You could dress up, join her and pray you didn’t stick out like a sore thumb, or give up entirely and throw on the yoga pants that had never actually been to a yoga class. Three hundred and sixty-four days of the year Micah chose to give up before she started and donned the yoga pants.
“Gawd, I love this city at night! Why don’t we do this anymore?” Sabina twirled as she walked, arms wide open, head thrown back. She stumbled a little in her four-inch heels on the uneven cobblestone, but Jamie was quick to catch her.
“Because we have jobs and lives and because only college students and creepy old people hit up this part of Boston on a Friday night.”
“If you are going to have any hope of fun tonight, you’re going to have to change that attitude of yours,” Hanna said as she pursed her lips and quirked her eyebrows.
“My attitude? I don’t have an at—” Okay, maybe she did. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. I don’t plan on having any fun tonight. So there.” What was she? Five?
“It’s Drew’s night. Fun is a requirement.”
“I never agreed to that rule.” She looked over at Jamie. Although he was Drew’s cousin, they had been more like brothers. She knew out of everyone that he would understand. But in his typical quiet-guy fashion, he shrugged his shoulders, telling her she was on her own.
“C’mon, Micah. Drew lived for stuff like this, so if we’re really going to honor his memory like we have for years, then we need to have fun. You included. This is what he would have wanted and you know it.”
“He would not want a droopy-faced, depressed version of his Micah,” Josh said as he put his arm around her to soften his words. “I know these anniversaries are hard on you, but you’ve made it through nine already. What’s so different about this one? You can do it. I know you can.”
Micah couldn’t refute that. She had done just fine these last ten years. So why was this one so hard on her?
The crisp Boston air sent a chill through her body. She pulled her coat up higher around her neck and buried in closer to Josh, allowing his sheer size to block the cold October winds whipping between the buildings.
“Cold?” Josh asked as he pulled her closer and moved his hand up and down her arm in an effort to warm her. “You care to explain why you ignored all my texts today?”
“Not really.”
“So you don’t deny it?”
“No. I was ignoring you.”
“How much ice cream did you eat today?”
“None of your business.”
“What am I going to do with you?” He kept his arm around her and flashed her one of his smiles.
“I may need to rethink my vice, though. I think I’ve put on five pounds in the last couple months. Even my stretchy pants are starting to feel snug.”
“Now that’s just bad.”
“Shut up. It’s a sensitive subject.”
Josh’s deep laughter rumbled through his chest, but he got the hint and stopped talking about it.
Every sixth of October the five of them went to the same pub in downtown Boston. They would toast to the memory of Drew and talk about favorite memories, but Micah sensed this year would be different. She couldn’t quite figure out what had changed until they sat down around their usual table and ordered a round of drinks. Scanning the faces of her closest friends, she knew then that Sabina had been right. They had moved on while she was still stuck—stuck in her painful memories.
The truth hit her like a ton of bricks. She had been living in denial. It was a comfortable and easy place to live. Never addressing reality. Never addressing the pain. Never allowing herself to truly grieve the loss of her first love—her only love.
Jamie raised his glass. “Here’s to Drew.”
Five glasses lifted in unison as she wondered if they all knew what she had just come to realize. Did they know she hadn’t dealt with her grief? Were they okay with that? She continued to watch them. It was if they were all thinking the same thing: What now?
The guys turned their attention to the game playing on the TVs around them. The girls were playing with their phones. For a moment Micah wondered if this might be the last of the tradition she held