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First published by HarperCollins 2018
This edition published 2019
© Iain Stirling 2018
Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers 2018
Cover photograph © Jay Brooks 2018
A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library
Iain Stirling asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
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Source ISBN: 9780008288006
Ebook Edition © May 2019 ISBN: 9780008288020
Version: 2019-05-22
To my mum Alison, my dad Rodger and my sister Kirsten. This book isn’t for you, it’s because of you. I love you.
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
I ONCE TOLD AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD TO GO FUCK HIMSELF
CHAPTER 1
Mollycoddled
CHAPTER 2
‘The Best Days of Your Life …’
CHAPTER 3
The Years BW (Before Wi-fi )
CHAPTER 4
The Power of Love … Island
CHAPTER 5
We’re All Fake Happy
CHAPTER 6
What a Way to Make a Living (Apparently)
CHAPTER 7
A Generation that Likes to (Political) Party Hard
CHAPTER 8
Here Comes the Science Bit …
CONCLUSION
THE INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH MOMENT
A TREAT FOR THOSE WHO’VE SKIPPED TO THE BACK
‘The Millennial Circle’
adulting
NOUN
informal
The practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.
However, the entire time you are carrying out said tasks you are uncomfortably aware that you have no idea what the hell you are doing, you will fuck it up and eventually be found out.
‘Fucking hell, this adulting is IMPOSSIBLE. How do I explain to my boss that I’m late for work because I dropped my phone in the toilet while watching a YouTube video and taking a shit?’
I’m constantly told by my parents, friends and my birth certificate that I’m an adult now, but what does that even mean? And why does it seem to be so insanely difficult? Following some in-depth research/googling I have ascertained that, generally speaking, the idea of being an adult is split into two camps, that of the ‘responsible adult’ and the ‘irresponsible adult’. These two definitions are as follows.
Responsible adult: taking on the new-found responsibilities that come with being a grown-up, such as getting a job, buying a house and having children.
Irresponsible adult: now the restrictions of childhood have been removed you can do or act however you want. For example, staying up as late as you like, drinking alcohol, spending your money as you choose.
Whether ‘responsible’ or ‘irresponsible’, these actions carry with them