MY PEAR-SHAPED LIFE
Carmel Harrington
Published by HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by HarperCollinsPublishers 2020
Copyright © Carmel Harrington 2020
Cover illustrations © Shutterstock.com
Cover design by Holly Macdonald © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2020
Carmel Harrington asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
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Source ISBN: 9780008389369
Ebook Edition © March 2020 ISBN: 9780008276638
Version: 2020-02-10
For Evelyn Harrington, Adrienne Harrington, Evelyn Moher and Leah Harrington. When I married Roger we became family. But I’m so very grateful that we also became friends.
Dear Reader,
When I started teasing out my idea about a woman who goes on a search to find her famous namesake, I had no idea where the story would bring me.
Body image, addiction and big balls of twine oh my …
In fact, wonderfully, my research brought me on the very journey you are going to read about in this book. With Mr H by my side, we undertook an epic road trip of our own – driving through the prairie plains of Kansas, the snow-capped Colorado Rockies, the mighty red rocks of Utah, ending our trip at the bright lights of Las Vegas. It was one of the best holidays of my life.
One of the epigraphs I use in this book is from The Road to Oz, by L. Frank Baum. It isn’t what we are, but what folks think we are, that counts in this world.
He was a wise one, wasn’t he? I wonder, did Mr Baum realize how accurate this statement would still be one hundred years later? When I started to write Greta’s story, one of my close friends said to me, ‘You need to open a vein on this one.’ And Catherine was right, because in order to do Greta’s story justice I had to dig deep. Greta’s character is overweight and struggles with her own self-worth. She’s an aspiring actress, where thin is in and fat is not all that. Life is not easy for her, but she doesn’t let the world know that. While Greta’s life is very different to mine, we share one thing in common – that voice in our heads, the heckler, the naysayer who feels compelled to tell us that we are not enough.
Through the many drafts of this book, I realized that this writing experience was different to any other I’ve had to date. This time, it felt personal. I knew there could be no holding back. I had to open those veins and look at my own negative body image, to really understand Greta and her struggles. And as over used as the word often is, this book brought me as well as Greta on a journey.
Here’s what I’ve learned. We know in our heads that we must love our bodies whatever shape and size they are, for good mental health. But the truth is that putting that knowledge into practice is difficult, sometimes impossible. Because we also know, thanks to images and articles on social media and in magazines, that life could be a whole lot better for us if we only had a thinner body, better hair, flawless skin, were taller, shorter, cleverer … the list goes on and on.
You know, I’ve been on a diet, on and off, for my entire adult life. In fact, the first diet I can remember going on was when I was twelve years old. Since then I’ve been super skinny and I’ve been fat and I’ve been everything in between. Greta’s tricks to hide her weight are borrowed from me and I suspect many of you too use them. The cushion on my lap, sleeves to hide my wobbly arms, oversized jewellery to distract from my mum tum, hiding behind friends and family in photographs.
Like Greta, I’ve never been happy with the size I am. Even when I was at my thinnest, I often didn’t feel enough. Isn’t that sad? Wouldn’t it be great to go back and whisper some truths in our younger selves’ ears? Tell us that we are smokin’ hot just as we are. In fact, watch this space, I might just write about that very thing one day soon …
But here’s the good news. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve also grown a little wiser and in the main, acceptance has come my way. I’m bored with the weight conversation that I’ve had for decades, with friends, family but most of all, with myself and that heckler in my head. I want to teach my children a new narrative, that doesn’t include the self-loathing. I want them to understand that a lot of things we see on social media have been filtered and airbrushed. I want to pull back the curtain so to speak and show the truth of the Wizard, who has his own hangups. More than anything I want my children to grow up feeling enough.
I don’t have all the answers, I’ll have to work on my mental, emotional and health wellbeing for the rest of my life. We all do. But, I do know this. I’m perfectly imperfect as I am and so are you. My size does not change my worth. I am enough. We are enough.
Now before I let you go so you can start reading My Pear-Shaped Life, I want to mention it’s connection to The Wizard of Oz!
I’m often asked about my love of all things Oz. And I especially love getting messages from my readers when they spot an Ozism in one of my books. The movie came first for me. I can’t remember a childhood Christmas that didn’t include a trip down the yellow brick road. But it was only when I was ten or eleven that I picked up a copy of the book from the library. And I realized that Baum’s Oz was so much more than my beloved movie. Since then, I’ve read the complete collection of books (there are fourteen) and I’ve read, watched and loved all books and movies that have a connection to Oz too.
Somewhere Over The Rainbow sung by the irreplaceable Judy Garland, is one of the lullabies that I sing at bedtime to my children. It always calms them, making them feel loved and safe. I love Oz because it taught me that if I know myself, truly know my mind, my heart, my courage, then I’m always home.
When I explored plot lines and characters for this book I kept going back to one of the most iconic of all road trips – that of Dorothy and her friends on the yellow brick road. And I realized that our stories shared many themes – hidden inner strengths, the power of friends and finding our true selves as we make our way home. I hope readers will have fun finding the Oz parallels that are scattered amongst this read. I should stress that My Pear-Shaped Life is not a fantasy read. It has its two feet firmly in the world