MICHAEL ALEXANDER
Confessions of a Male Nurse
The Friday Project
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
This edition published by The Friday Project in 2012
Text copyright © Michael Alexander
Michael Alexander asserts the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work.
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Source ISBN: 9780007469543
Ebook Edition © June 2012 ISBN: 9780007467044
Version: 2018-08-06
The stories described in this book follow my progression from an inexperienced nurse to a relatively effective professional. To protect confidentiality, some parts are fictionalised, and all places and names are changed, but nonetheless they remain an honest reflection of my experience working as a male nurse over the past 16 years – surprising as that might come to be!
For my wife and kids
Contents
Copyright
Disclaimer
Dedication
Who am I?
Introduction
I
Slippery beginnings
Sharon’s law
The scapegoat
This little piggy
II
A glimmer of hope
Who’s to blame?
The meaning of teamwork
Big man, big heart
Beware of toilet
Heartless
Making a difference
Helpless, but that’s okay
Golden years
The veteran
Dr Baker
III
London calling
Filling in
The ego
Bad news, good porn
Magic medicine
A different world
Highs and lows of temp nursing
Mrs Olsen
MRSA where?
Deep shit
Tough love
How hospitals kill
Gotta get out of this place
IV
Reality check
Spotter
Mr Townsend
Dan’s demons
Mr Brown
Food for thought
Catherine, meet your new neighbours
V
Family man of steel
Dumb as they come
Don’t believe all you read
Confidential dilemmas
The perfect match
No chance
Saturday night shift
Full moon
Russell
All for a plate of sandwiches
VI
The nice drunk
The regular drunk
The unconscious drunk
The lucky drunk
The mean drunk
The changed drunk
The final draught
Epilogue: Reflections on a life of nursing
The dos and don’ts of being a patient
The big difference
How we do it
The best of the NHS
Where am I now?
Acknowledgements
About the Author
About the Publisher
I am just your everyday, run-of-the-mill nurse, with a unique story to tell. Okay, unique is not quite accurate; anyone that spends time working in healthcare has their own uniquely similar stories. Every day we come into contact with people from all walks of life, from the destitute to the wealthy, the young to the elderly, simple to genius, cruel to caring.
Though I never planned on being a nurse, caring for others was in my blood: my great-grandfather was a medic through two world