Outstanding praise for Laura Levine’s
Jaine Austen mysteries!
KILLER CRUISE
“Get ready to enjoy another wickedly witty, quick-paced and fun-filled mystery. A great addition to this mystery series!”
Fresh Fiction
“Once again, Levine has written a book where the laughs never stop. This is one delightful read.”
Romantic Times
KILLING BRIDEZILLA
“A fun romp…a murder mystery filled with laughs and a surprising ending.”
ReviewingTheEvidence.com
“A humorous mystery.”
Romantic Times
DEATH BY PANTYHOSE
“Fun…Jaine’s dogged sleuthing and screwball antics will entertain fans of this fizzy series.”
Publishers Weekly
THE PMS MURDER
“This is the perfect book for the beach, breezy, and laugh-out-loud funny.”
The Kingston Observer
“Jaine can really dish it out.”
The New York Times Book Review
SHOES TO DIE FOR
“A lively sense of humor and an ear for the absurd help Jaine overcome any number of setbacks and a host of fashion no-nos.”
Kirkus Reviews
“The ideal beach read.”
Publishers Weekly
KILLER BLONDE
“The identity of the real killer comes as a smart surprise.”
Publishers Weekly
“Levine’s series gets smarter with each book. Her dialogue is realistic yet hilarious, and her vivid characters jump off the page.”
Romantic Times
LAST WRITES
“Last Writes is sprightly and entertaining. I commend it to the attention of anyone wishing to be entertained.”
Robert B. Parker, New York Times bestselling author
“Hilarious and an absolute delight. I highly recommend this book if you want to laugh and enjoy a good read.”
I Love a Mystery
THIS PEN FOR HIRE
“Humor is the key ingredient in this slick debut…the story zips along to an action-filled and surprising climax. Levine delivers the goods and readers who appreciate self-deprecating humor will hope Jaine soon gets caught up in another murder.”
Publishers Weekly
“This will turn out to be a long series…likely to be compared to Janet Evanovich for its humor.”
I Love a Mystery
“Laura Levine’s hilarious debut mystery, THIS PEN FOR HIRE, is a laugh a page (or two or three) as well as a crafty puzzle. Sleuth Jaine Austen’s amused take on life, love, sex and L.A. will delight readers. Sheer fun!”
Carolyn Hart
“Jaine has a sassy attitude and I look forward to her new adventures.”
Deadly Pleasures
“Thank you, Laura Levine. Instead of painful crunches, I can give my abs a workout just by reading your laugh-out-loud funny book.”
Leslie Meier, author of Mother’s Day Murder
“A lot of laughs.”
Star-News (Pasadena, CA)
“This is classic stuff: a wisecracking L.A. gal detective who solves a heinous crime and is also concerned about her thighs and personal relationship issues. I read it happily before bedtime for a week and had vivid dreams about convertibles and palm trees and blondes.”
Garrison Keillor
Books by Laura Levine
THIS PEN FOR HIRE
LAST WRITES
KILLER BLONDE
SHOES TO DIE FOR
THE PMS MURDER
DEATH BY PANTYHOSE
KILLING BRIDEZILLA
CANDY CANE MURDER
KILLER CRUISE
DEATH OF A TROPHY WIFE
Published by Kensington Publishing Corporation
A Jaine Austen Mystery
Killer Cruise
Laura Levine
KENSINGTON BOOKS
For Ben, who first suggested it,
and Mark, who convinced me to take this cruise.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Many thanks, as always, to my editor John Scognamiglio for his ongoing faith in Jaine, and to my agent Evan Marshall for his valued guidance and support. Thanks to Hiro Kimura whose covers never fail to delight me. And to Joanne Fluke, who takes time out from writing her own bestselling Hannah Swensen mysteries to share her insights and her brownies. Thanks to Mark Baker, who was there from the beginning. And to Rocky Stickel of Scuba House and Ann Zeller, for filling me in on the facts about scuba diving (any mistakes are mine, not theirs).
Thanks to my friends and family for always being there for me. And to the wonderful readers who’ve taken the time to write me. Your e-mails truly brighten my day. Finally, a loving thanks to my most loyal fan and ardent supporter, my husband Mark.
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Epilogue
Chapter 1
The good news about my cruise is, I didn’t get seasick. The bad news is, I almost got hacked to death by a raving loony. But, hey. Life’s funny that way. My life, that is. Just when I think things are going smoothly someone comes along and tries to eviscerate me.
But let’s