THE VERWOERD
WHO TOYI-TOYIED
Melanie Verwoerd
A memoir of politics and love
TAFELBERG
For Wilmé, Wian and Gerry
Thank you . . .
I have been extraordinarily privileged to share my life with very special people. All these people formed me and influenced my life, which is the reason that this book exists. So my heartfelt thanks to . . .
Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, my African fathers and two of the most amazing men to ever live. You will always remain my moral compass.
The strong women I share my life and genetics with: my wonderful mum Lenie, my sisters Melissa and Nadine and my beloved grandmother Lenie Brandt. You are my anchors in life.
Philip for becoming a father and grandfather when it wasn’t always easy.
Wilhelm for spending the first 21 years of my adult life with me. We did some amazing things together politically, but more importantly we made two extraordinary, special human beings. Dankie vir alles.
Sharon for giving Wilhelm happiness again and for accepting my children into your life.
Emily Nomajoni Makoena, my friend and my children’s other mother. You taught me so much about politics, service to others and how to keep going when times get tough. Enkosi kakhulu, Mama!
Brid, Elaine and Abraham, three of the most special friends one could ever ask for. Thank you for always being there with love and support. Thank you that I could trust you with my hurts and pains, and for keeping everything I ever told you private.
Rita and Harry Crosbie for feeding Gerry and me and allowing us to camp on your couch when times were hard.
David Blake Knox and Fiona Looney for being such good friends to Gerry and for being there for me in the weeks after he died.
Paul McGuinness and Kathy Gilfillan, for an amazing time in France and for helping me on the day of the funeral. Gerry always loved spending time with you.
Lottie, Rex, Bonnie, Elliot and Babs. Thank you for the lovely times we spent together. I hope this will fill in some of the gaps and help with some of the pain that others caused after your dad’s death. I love you all very much.
Gerry’s brothers, Mick and Mano. We only got to know each other in very dark times. Your support helped a lot.
Gerry’s accountant, mt, for helping me confirm what I always knew and for looking after Gerry and his children beyond the call of duty. He knew he could rely on you and admired and respected you deeply – as I do.
Niamh Sheehan, my amazing assistant. I am extremely thankful that you came into my and my children’s life. There is so much I could not have done without you.
Paul and Susan Feldstein of the Feldstein Agency. Your professionalism, attention and personal care still astonish me. You are an author’s dream.
Everyone at NB Publishers. From the beginning I felt at home. It has been a real joy to work with you.
Paul Tweed, Kathy Matthews and John Kerr from Johnsons Solicitors, for your patient guidance and support.
All the people I have been privileged to work with in the ANC, the South African Parliament, the Foreign Service and UNICEF and who are the fellow travellers on my journey.
The many people of Ireland who carried me through the last three years with letters, e-mails and phone calls. The kind gestures from so many strangers (such as the elderly gentleman who sent me a €20 voucher with instructions to buy Horlicks so I could sleep better) frequently ‘rescued’ me when life was very difficult. I was touched by your kind words and hugs.
My two children,Wilmé and Wian. This book would not have happened were it not for your love and care, which motivated me to write it. You are two exceptional young people and I am extremely proud of you both. I would not have survived the last few years if not for your support during times when you were also suffering. You were often the only light that kept the darkness from overwhelming me. Daar is geen liefde groter as myne vir julle nie.
And lastly for my love, Gerry Ryan. Thank you for choosing me to share your last years with. They were the best years of my life. Whatever happens in the future, ‘I will love you till the end of time.’
Foreword
Melanie was never going to be just your ordinary run-of-the-mill kind of person. How could she be, marrying as she did into the Verwoerd family in South Africa? For all South Africans, black and white, her husband’s grandfather, Dr Hendrik Verwoerd, was the architect of the policy of apartheid. Nearly all whites revered him, since they benefited so conspicuously from apartheid, and almost all blacks detested him, as the victims trodden under-foot by its viciousness.
She and her husband Wilhelm committed what was for the majority of white South Africans the ultimate treachery: they joined Nelson Mandela’s African National Congress a few years before South Africa’s first democratic elections in 1994. Wilhelm’s grandfather must have been spinning in his grave.
After those elections, the ANC could justifiably boast that it was reflecting the new South Africa, which sought to be non-racial and non-sexist – more than any other party. Did it not, after all, have a Verwoerd on its parliamentary benches?
She went as South African ambassador to Ireland, accompanied of course by her family. She soon made her mark, so that when her term as ambassador ended, she was appointed as head of UNICEF Ireland – unusually, as she was not Irish. Sadly, she and Wilhelm divorced. She fell in love with Gerry Ryan, a hugely popular radio and TV personality. They were deeply in love but could not marry. One day, Melanie and her son discovered him dead. The inquest into his death led to all sorts of scurrilous stories in the media. Some were quite vicious.
This touching love story has been written in part to counter those awful media misrepresentations. Perhaps we should be grateful for these stories, though, since without them we might never have had the chance of reading such a lyrical and beautiful love story, which tugs at the heartstrings. She loved deeply and suffered much, but what a doughty and elegant human being. Thank you, Melanie, for your deep loving, and your courage to take them on. I admire and love you.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu
‘Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.’
Martin Luther King Jnr.
‘What you cannot do is accept injustice . . . You must make the injustice visible and be prepared to die like a soldier to do so.’
Gandhi
‘If some lives form a perfect circle, others take shape in ways we
cannot predict or always understand.
Loss has been a part of my journey. But it has also shown me what
is precious. So has a love for which I can only be grateful.’
Message in a Bottle
Introduction
I met Nelson Mandela for the first time in 1990. I was 23 years old. We only spoke for a few minutes, but those minutes would change my life forever. At the end of our conversation, he said: ‘You need to remember that . . . you have a voice. People will listen to you. You have to think carefully what to do with that power.’
So started a journey during which the challenge put to me by Mandela would become my constant companion. How to use my voice in service of others would inform almost all of the big decisions I would be confronted with, and the choices I made would lead me down a path that fills me with amazement even today, more than two decades later.