Candide
BORGO PRESS BOOKS BY CLÉMENT VAUTEL & LÉO MARCHÈS
Candide
BORGO PRESS BOOKS BY VOLTAIRE
The Death of Caesar
Oedipus
Saul and David
Socrates
COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
Copyright © 2000, 2013 by Frank J. Morlock
Published by Wildside Press LLC
www.wildsidebooks.com
DEDICATION
For my dear friend, Doctor Ernesto Ibarra
CAST OF CHARACTERS
CANDIDE
PANGLOSS
CACAMBO
MARTIN
DON FERNANDO
GOOD OLD TURK
BARON
KING OF THE BULGARS
The GRAND INQUISITOR
2nd MONARCH
4th MONARCH
JESUIT
DON ISSACHAR
1st MONARCH
ECCLESIASTIC
3rd MONARCH
GRAND ALMONER
DECEIVED HUSBAND
1st NCO
ALGUAZIL
2nd NCO
WORKER
PACIFIST
1st PIKEMAN
2nd PIKEMAN
YOUNG MAN
LACKEY
2nd YOUNG MAN
OFFICER OF ST. HERMANDAD
SECRETARY
INHABITANT OF LISBON
CUNEGONDE
OLD WOMAN
BARONESS
OPULENT MAIDEN
PAQUETTE
YOUNG WOMAN
BEAUTIFUL GIRL
1st FEMALE INHABITANT
2nd FEMALE INHABITANT
SERVANT
WOMAN
ACT I
SCENE 1
In the back a dilapidated Château, but possessing a door and windows. In front of the Château a small forest, baptized a park. Thickets and wild flowers—
BARON
(Entering) Hey! My pikeman! My wife! My Grand Almoner! Hey! Candide! Cunegonde! Hey Pangloss! Hey! Everybody—! I am very dissatisfied—I am furious—!
(Enter the Baroness followed by the Grand Almoner)
BARONESS
What’s the matter with you, my friend?
BARON
The matter is, Baroness—That I intend to remain master here—Am I no longer the high and mighty Baron Thunder-ten-Tronchk?
BARONESS
You still are my friend!
GRAND ALMONER
One of the most respected lords of Westphalia, whose Grand Almoner I have the honor to be—when I am not watching over the health of the souls of the Parish in my capacity as vicar.
BARON
(Going back and forth waving his whip) Where are my people? I think I haven’t yet whipped them today!
GRAND ALMONER
Milord, you treat them with too much kindness—that type mustn’t be treated too kindly.
BARON
Yes, I am too good. (Enter two pikemen). Ah—! There you are—swine, brigands—scoundrels—
GRAND ALMONER
Ask Milord’s pardon—
1st PIKEMAN
What did we do? (The Baron runs after them and administers his whip to them)
GRAND ALMONER
Don’t run away like that—You’ll tire the Baron.
BARON
(To Pikeman) I ought to hang you from the postern gate of my castle—You want to kill my honorable dogs, the most beautiful dogs of Westphalia—dogs of pedigree—noble dogs?
1st PIKEMAN
By doing what, Milord?
BARON
By feeding them the way you do—wretches! You gorge them.
1st PIKEMAN
Once a day I give them bread dipped in dishwater—and sometimes some bones left by Milord and his illustrious family—
BARON
That’s too much! My dogs are dying of indigestion—just as you will die yourselves—ruffians—Here the whole world eats too much—beasts and people.
BARONESS
It’s true. They’ve been gorged!
GRAND ALMONER
They are being delivered to the sin of gourmandizing.
BARON
It’s a scandal! I intend that this stop, you understand? (Brandishing his whip) My house is not an inn where everyone can stuff themselves at my expense to that extent! The animals and the people in my service have appetites that don’t coincide with their social position. Small folks must have small stomachs.
BARONESS
That’s evident!
GRAND ALMONER
That’s fair.
BARON
I will see to that. Besides, I am very dissatisfied with the appearance and the administration of my Château—
GRAND ALMONER
Which is one of the most beautiful castles in Westphalia!
BARON
An evil spirit reigns. The servants are inclined more and more to deviate from the good traditions of the past—Not only that, they eat too much but they permit themselves to argue. It’s unheard of! And when employing the rights my birth conferred upon me. I wish to correct them by switching their backsides with the whip God confided in me—They dare to take flight—!
PIKEMAN
Pardon us, Milord.
GRAND ALMONER
You will accuse yourselves of great sins when you come to confess—
BARON
Submission—respect—are gone—I ask myself what we are coming to—Poor Westphalia—you are heading toward the abyss! Happily—I am here—
GRAND ALMONER
We are here—!
BARON
I am going to put an end to this state of things so that my Château, which is the most beautiful castle in Westphalia will regain its fine appearance—! Two ways to do that! First of all, my whip! And then moral education—good, clean ideas—
GRAND