Gender
Explorers
Our Stories of Growing Up Trans and Changing the World
Juno Roche
Foreword by Susie Green
Afterword by Cara English and Jay Stewart
Trigger warning: This book mentions suicide.
Dear trans folk,
We are changing this world for the better,
never let anyone tell you otherwise.
Walk tall, aspire and dream.
With love and respect,
– Juno
Foreword
Nearly twenty-two years ago, my life changed, pivoted completely, based on the trust placed in me by my then four-year-old child. This was a time when trans was not a part of my vocabulary. I had no clue whatsoever, comfortable in my ignorance, considering myself to be open-minded and fair. Nothing prepared me for what was to come, how that moment would change everything.
To place some context to the social environment at the time, films like Crocodile Dundee and Ace Ventura, which openly mocked trans women, were considered the height of hilarity. I knew, peripherally, about transgender people, referred to as transsexuals at that time. What little I knew was coloured by those films, the media portrayal of men in dresses with beards. That transgender children existed was impossible to me, not that I ever actually gave it a thought. Why would I?
My daughter is now twenty-six. When I talk about her words to me that morning, that simple sentence: ‘God has made a mistake and I should have been a girl,’ I still experience that visceral reaction, despite having recounted that moment so many times over the years, explaining why I am so passionate about the work I do, previously as a volunteer for many years and then, more recently, as CEO of Mermaids. The fear for her. The rush of adrenaline, that made it difficult to speak. The denial in that moment of what she was telling me, and for her, the betrayal of her trust in me. It took another two years before I listened properly, something I deeply regret.
When Juno asked if she could talk to me about the possibility of a book based on the actual words of trans kids and their families, I knew there was nobody else that I would trust with such an important task. Her writing is eloquent, brutally honest and manages to bridge a gap between ignorance and understanding, which I think is so important.
We discussed how this might be achieved, and the weekends that Mermaids holds for families around the country were an obvious fit. Those spaces are so valuable. Safe. Joyful. Sometimes painful, because the absence of judgement and fear can sometimes bring to the surface things that by necessity, have been buried. We discussed the format, context and how it might look. Juno came to a few weekends, and spoke to many children, young people and their parents.
When she sent me the manuscript to review, I suddenly found myself back in the room, twenty-two years ago, reading other parents’ reactions. Some were very different, but for some, it was me, again, sat on the sofa with my beautiful little girl. Hearing her truth for the first time.
The one thing that shines through all these personal stories is love. Because of this, I am hopeful of a better life for the children and young people we support. I see the discussions around transgender children being woefully ill-informed. Sensational, misleading, judgemental and unkind. And then, I read this, and I know that this is what we need to see, not people talking about trans kids, but people talking to them, and their families.
Things are very different to what they were twenty-two years ago, where the only information I could find was a paragraph in a book about ‘girly boys’, that stated they were probably gay. Young people can see themselves in popular media such as Hollyoaks and Emmerdale. The internet has removed some of the isolation and stigma, but we have a long way to go. This book is another step towards understanding. We have hope for a better world for these amazing children and young people who continue to astound with their courage and clarity. We need to listen and respect them. Only they have the right to say who they are.
Susie Green, CEO, Mermaids
About the Book
This book isn’t about proving or disproving, believing or disbelieving, challenging or not challenging the validity of trans children and their parents or carers. These young people are me, and for a brief summer term in 1972 I was them. They know their truths, I know our truths, and no one can tell them, or me, otherwise.
This book is concerned only with listening to young trans and nonbinary people tell their own stories, without judgement or adult intervention; hearing them offer advice. As adults we’ve had years of gender conditioning that makes us want to order the world in a way that we understand, but this is not necessarily a way that works for us or for others.
This book is a recipient of these young people’s joy and also a conduit for hearing and learning about the difficulties they might face – arising principally, I’m sure, from the discrimination and disbelief meted out to them by disbelieving adults who are shaped by the narrow confines of gender expectations, stereotypes and binaries.
We can and must learn from these young people if we want to create a kinder world which enables all children to dream and aspire; which enables all children to shape gender comfortably so that they can treat others, the planet and their own futures with the dignity and respect that is far too often lacking now in a grown-up world shaped by the pain of gendered stereotypes and expectations.
This book has a simple remit: to allow them, the young trans and nonbinary people so often talked about, the space to talk to us.
Use it or we’ll lose it and we’ll lose them in the process.
Introduction
Just to be completely crystal clear and not leave a single shred or sliver of doubt in anyone’s mind as to why I’m writing this book, I will start by saying this: I believe that children who are questioning and exploring their gender, or simply making gender do what they need it to do in order that they can lead happy, functional and aspirational lives, are the future of this planet. They are the gender explorers and gender bosses that we all so desperately need.
Yes, I feel as strongly as that: I believe they are our future.
Deep down in my sassy trans soul I believe that trans, nonbinary, gender fluid and gender nonconforming children are wonderful beings who will reshape and perhaps even save this planet from the mess that so many older people (and sadly some younger) have foisted upon it. I have every faith in them, whereas I have far less faith in people of my own generation and older.
Deep down I believe in trans children. Not only do I believe in them, but, more importantly, when they talk to me, I listen to them, I hear them and I believe them. If they tell me they are a girl or a boy or neither or sometimes a bit of both, I don’t question them, I just trust their truth. I listen. In writing this book I had the pleasure and privilege to listen to and hear many of them.
Deep down in my fizzing, blooming-brilliant trans core I believe that this small group of often slighted, maligned and misjudged children are both unknowingly brave and generous and are demonstrating to us how we can, might and should control the alignment of our gender from the outset.
In teaching parlance, they are leading by example and modelling how to approach gender with tenacity, grace and control. They are doing this in a world which frequently creates a climate of fear and panic for them to grow up in. Thank the goddesses for the parents, carers, caregivers, support groups, teachers and others who surround these young people with love, creating a barrier to all the toxicity.
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