Dog Star. Bryn Jones

      

      Dog Star

      A Private Eye for the Morning Star

      By Gryphonboy

      Copyright © 2012 B L G Jones

      This is a work of humorous fiction. If at any point you find the content insulting or objectionable, this author would advise you to put it down and go for a walk instead. The fresh air will do you good.

      No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior consent of the publisher.

      The Publisher makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any commercial damages.

      2012-09-07

      Dedication

      To my wife Deirdre and our son Michael

      Acknowledgments

      Carl Sagan

      Richard Dawkins

      David Attenborough

      Bill Hicks

      Joe Rogan

      In the Beginning

      “So, Gader’el. The task is a simple one.”

      Lucifer was seated behind a large mahogany topped desk, resting his aquiline chin against steepled forefingers. He was dressed in a conservative, immaculately tailored grey suit. He contemplated Gader’el through horn-rimmed spectacles with alert, grey-green eyes. Gader’el suspected that nothing escaped their scrutiny.

      “Uh huh.” Gader’el nodded, swallowing nervously. He was acutely aware of the creases and grease marks that sullied the lines of his grey Premark special (50% off in the January sales).

      “I have it on good authority,” Lucifer continued, “that our eternal friend is making a play for market share.”

      He spread his hands across the desk, unraveling a crisp white chart. The desk itself was bare, apart from a nondescript silver name-plate that displayed a small white star in lieu of an actual name.

      “Based on our current projections we’re forecasting some astonishing growth rates.” He said, pointing at a line graph on the chart.

      “The R&D department have produced an interesting study on population growth projections. It appears we’re at a tipping point where population moves from linear growth into an exponential curve.”

      “Um, ok?” Gader’el was not a man for business talk or numbers.

      Lucifer regarded him coolly. He leaned over to his right and pulled a file out of the top drawer. He casually flipped through the pages of the folder, pausing now and then to read details that interested him. Gader’el watched the performance impassively.

      “You have an unusually checkered history within our organisation.” Lucifer said as he continued leafing through the file.

      “Ok, look, the thing is,” Gader’el interjected, gesticulating wildly,

      “That whole situation with the baby camel and the girl in H.R. was a miss-understanding.”

      Lucifer held up an immaculately manicured hand. The gesture was more than symbolic. Gader’el’s mouth continued opening and closing in a facsimile of speech but no sound escaped his lips. Realising he looked and sounded remarkably like a fish out of water, Gader’el stopped trying to explain the miss-understanding.

      “I am familiar with the ‘whole situation’ Gader’el.” Lucifer continued.

      “I did not summon you here to give me excuses for your past proclivities. I was merely stating a fact.”

      Gader’el nodded his understanding and Lucifer lowered his hand.

      “Your methods are certainly unorthodox.” Lucifer continued, “You seem to create more problems than you solve, but you do have an impeccable track record.”

      He closed the file and pushed it to the end of the desk closest to Gader’el.

      “I have need of your services.” Lucifer sat back in his chair. He flicked at a non-existent spec of dust on the shoulder of his suit. “In this instance you will waive your usual fee. I am not entirely unreasonable, so I will be offering you a clean slate in exchange. That file will disappear.”

      Gader’el swallowed.

      “Um, I think I’d rather get paid if it’s all the same to you?”

      “The job is fairly straight forward.” Lucifer continued, ignoring Gader’el’s response.

      “I need you to find a girl.”

      Gader’el perked up immediately.

      “Well, that is my specialty.” he quipped.

      “Yes, I know.” Lucifer replied, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Let’s just say there are a number of reasons why you may have some difficulty finding this one. The girl in question is pregnant. She will have only just conceived and may not even know she is pregnant.”

      “Ok, no problem, it’s just…well, let’s revisit this pro-bono thing.” Gader’el was nothing if not dogged.

      “It’s not up for negotiation. Everything has been prepared in anticipation of your transcendence.”

      “Right, right…” Gader’el licked his lips nervously, “The thing is, I have some particularly large debts that can’t exactly… ”

      Lucifer waved his hand. This time the gesture was subtle. A slight curl of the wrist ending with an outward push. There was a soft popping sound and Gader’el was gone. Lucifer smiled to himself. Despite the belligerent lack of respect for authority, he quite liked Gader’el.

      “Chip off the old block.” he thought.

      ~