FAMILY
MAKEOVERS
Irfan Alli
A Practical and Spiritual Guide to
Help Improve Your Family
Copyright © 2013 by Irfan Alli
All rights reserved.
Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com
ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-1996-1
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
CONTACT: Irfan Alli can be reached at [email protected]
FAMILY MAKEOVERS: Is a practical and spiritual guide to help parents cope with today’s challenges. Each letter of the alphabet is used as a title for a topic related to parenting. For example: A is for Accountability, B is for Basics, C is for Communication, D is for Discipline, etc. Under each letter are practical and spiritual suggestions that parents can adapt to the needs of their family. By the end of the book, the ideas if implemented, come together to lay out a road map to help you improve, repair and makeover your family.
IRFAN ALLI: Irfan Alli is the author of several eBooks. Among them: “What are Angels?”, “What Happens After we Die?”, “101 Selected Sayings of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)”, “Enlightenment from the Quran – God’s Last Revelation to Mankind”, “201 Motivational Quotes from Around the World”, “101 Selected Sayings of Mahatma Gandhi” and “Spouse Trap – Over 200 Questions to Ask Before Saying ‘I do’”.
Over the last 25 years he has served as a director and educator in Islamic organizations as well as a lay Muslim Chaplain in Canadian hospitals and prisons.
Irfan is often asked to speak to Muslims and non-Muslims to help them better understand Islam. His presentations to students, parents, youths, community groups, pastors, educators, and at interfaith forums have been well received.
His volunteer efforts, professional work and recreational activities have taken him all across Canada, to the U.S., Brazil, Hong Kong, Indonesia, South Korea, Japan, Guyana, Pakistan, India, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, China and Turkey. What he has learned from his travels is reflected in his writing. Irfan lives in Toronto, Canada with his wife, four children, and a growing number of grand children.
INTRODUCTION
As a parent of four children, I know firsthand that parenting is a challenging job. Sometimes even after our best efforts, our children do not turn out in the way we’d hoped. Despite the challenges, there are steps we can take to make the job easier.
Once we have children, we must take responsibility to learn about parenting and to keep improving and refining our parenting skills. Don’t blindly imitate others, or even your own parents’ style. Learn to recognize what works and what does not. Recognize also that approaches used “back home” might not be suitable for where your family is living today.
Our home should be our special place to return to after a hard day’s work. It should be a place where God is remembered much and we have peace of mind; where we are at peace with those who live there; where our children feel secure and loved. A place where we share mutual respect with our spouse, and a place where family members don’t abuse each other - verbally, emotionally or physically.
This book is a road map to help you along the journey toward effective parenting. It is the result of several years of workshops and lectures I’ve conducted on family related issues. In packaging the information, I wanted to write a book that was filled with practical and spiritual suggestions that can be easily understood and implemented by parents of different faith groups. As a result, I chose to structure the book around the letters of the alphabet.
To benefit from this book, don’t rush. Take one topic, understand it, and put it into practice. When you finish the book and implement its ideas, a cumulative framework should have reshaped your family.
Even though this book is meant for all ethnicities and religious orientations, I will take a moment to explain the references I’ve used since I have written from an Islamic perspective.
The teachings of Islam come from two sources, the Quran and the Hadith. Muslims believe the same angel (Gabriel) that came to prophets Abraham, Moses and Jesus also came to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon them all). Muslims also believe that God, through the angel Gabriel, revealed the Quran to Muhammad (peace be upon him). This was done over a period of twenty-three years. Muslims consider the Quran to be God's last revelation to mankind. Since one in every five persons on earth is a Muslim, the Quran enlightens and guides about one and a half billion people around the world.
The Hadith are sayings and practices of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Muhammad (peace be upon him) lived during the sixth and seventh centuries. Muslims accept him as God’s last prophet and messenger to mankind. He invited people to the same God that Abraham, Moses and Jesus (peace be upon them) invited people to. The sayings of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) number in the thousands, and cover a variety of topics. They appear in Hadith collections like; Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad, Baihaqi, Abu Dawud and Muwatta. It is these two sources (the Quran and Hadith) that we will use to educate ourselves on various parenting concepts.
I have tried to keep Islamic terminology to a minimum. Where the word Allah is used, it is simply the Arabic word for God. Messenger of God, Messenger of Allah, The Prophet; all refers to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
Irfan Alli
A is for ACCOUNTABILITY
A common mistake parents make is to teach their kids to be accountable to them, rather than to be accountable to God first and foremost. If you teach your children that they are primarily accountable to God, they know that God and His recording angels see and record all that they do, even when you’re not around to watch them.
To achieve this, teach your children using relevant concepts and principles from the Quran and Hadith. Some examples are:
“He it is Who created the heavens and the earth in six Days, then He established Himself on the Throne. He knows what enters within the earth and what comes forth out of it, what comes down from heaven and what mounts up to it. And He is with you wheresoever you may be. And God sees well all that you do.” (Quran 57:4)
“Serve God as you would if you could see Him; although you cannot see Him, He can see you.” (Muslim)
“Fear God wherever you are, and follow up a bad deed with a good one and it will wipe it out, and behave well towards people.” (Tirmidhi)
“Righteousness is good morality and wrongdoing is that which wavers in your soul and which you dislike people finding out about.” (Muslim)
“Leave alone that which is doubtful and adhere to that which is free from doubt; for truth is reassuring, and falsehood is disturbing.” (Tirmidhi)
As parents we should connect our children to God at a young age. Help them to understand that all of you follow a higher authority. Namely, God and His Messenger. And that God’s rules apply to you as well as them.
Let them know that on matters God and His Messenger have decided we have no choice. God tells us:
“It is not fitting for a Believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by God and His Messenger, to have any option about their decision; if anyone disobeys God and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong Path.” (Quran 33:36)