UnHoly Communion
Lessons Learned from Life among Pedophiles, Predators, and Priests
by
Hank Estrada
Copyright 2011 Hank Estrada,
All rights reserved.
Published in eBook format by Red Rabbit Press
Converted by http://www.eBookIt.com
ISBN-13: 978-0-9740-9885-2
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.
PRAISES FOR UNHOLY COMMUNION
“This is an important story! A great deal to say that can be of great help to victims and for the betterment of the church and society.”
Richard Sipe, Author,
Sex, Priests, and Secret Codes
“An emotionally charged journey. The juxtaposition of religious chaos is compelling. Powerful in its genuine open and powerful truthfulness.”
Christina Crawford, Author,
Mommie Dearest
“Very compelling, very disturbing, very well done!”
David Clohessy, National Director, SNAP
(Survivors Network of those Abused By Priests)
“An important contribution to the field and will be an example of one more male survivor who is powerful and demonstrates that recovery is absolutely possible and achievable!"
Howard Fradkin, Ph.D., Psychologist
Dedication
To all those individuals in relationships with an adult survivor of childhood abuse. Thank you for your patience and understanding when our survivor issues become THE issue. When our unexpressed emotional pain unintentionally hurts you, and when our lack of intimacy makes you feel lonely. We are grateful for your tolerance, patience, and loving support.
And finally to my life partner Antonio, whose unconditional love for me since September 11, 1983, is my most cherished and sacred blessing in this life.
Acknowledgements
I wish to especially thank the following individuals for their support and assistance.
Richard Sipe
David Clohessy
Christina Crawford
Preface
In 1985 I reluctantly and publicly “came out” on a local morning television talk show as one of the first adult male survivors of incest. That same year, while living in Los Angeles, California, I found myself forming a nonprofit organization for non-offending adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse, another first. Then I self-published Recovery For Male Victims Of Child Sexual Abuse, a book about my own recovery journey. Following subsequent years of intense public advocacy work, I eventually realized and accepted the purpose for my humiliating molestation disclosure with tremendous gratitude. I was finally able to confidently enjoy the emotional peace of not having to talk about being a survivor of incest and child abuse, or about my personal “healing” journey.
Approximately nineteen years later, in the spring of 2004, while living contently in northern New Mexico, I felt my sense of personal security suddenly challenged by yet another sexual assault, a psychological trauma I thought I had conquered and buried long ago. I learned of a Southern California man who alleged that a Catholic priest whom he sought out for spiritual direction had seduced him.
I discovered that the priest he identified as his perpetrator was the same priest who, in the late 1970s, had sexually assaulted me while I was in college and a Catholic seminarian under his supervision! Admittedly I was shocked, angered, and upset to hear a complete stranger tell me, in very familiar detail, how Father John Raab, C.M.F., a Roman Catholic priest, had seduced him with friendship, trust, and intimate gestures of affection. I had never spoken publicly about this experience to anyone; but now I realize, I simply have no other choice but to do so.
As of this printing, Father John Raab, C.M.F., remains an active ordained priest with the Western Province of the Claretian Missionary Order in Los Angeles, where we first met. What follows here is the painfully honest and intimate story of this survivor’s lifelong battle against pedophiles, a sexual predator priest, and those who protect them.
Introduction
I was 23 years old in 1979 when Father John Raab sexually assaulted me. I was assigned to Saint Anne's Parish in Fort Worth, Texas as a seminarian and placed under his leadership and spiritual supervision. During that time, Father John (as I called him) skillfully and knowingly proceeded to psychologically groom me for weeks leading up to an actual physical seduction, followed by repeated sexual assaults thereafter.
Not long after the sexual contact had ended between Father John and I, I confronted him and suggested he get psychological counseling. I also reported him to several of his Claretian superiors who assured me that my concerns would be addressed immediately. I was also informed by the Provincial, an ordained priest elected as superior of the Religious Order, that Father John would never again be assigned to supervise or work directly with students or seminarians on any level. I felt relieved and comforted that I had identified Father John as someone to be watched. I also believed these religious superiors when they assured me he would get the appropriate psychological counseling necessary to stop any further inappropriate physical behavior or sexual assaults.
The painful truth is that I eventually discovered that Father John’s superiors simply reassigned him to yet another position, this time, overseas to a Claretian mission in Africa where he was once again given a supervisory position over new young seminarians. Apparently, they just moved him from one assignment to another without ever directly addressing his compulsive sexual behavior issues or getting him appropriate psychological counseling.
After having alerted several other Claretian Missionary priests, including the Religious Orders Provincial, I learned that little had been done over the years to protect others from Father John’s inappropriate physical behavior and sexual advances. I have had to face the fact that information regarding Father John’s predatory behavior has continued to resurface throughout various periods of my adult life. I’ve now recommitted myself to undertake the challenges of confronting sexual predator clergy and those who protect them. In my opinion, the fact that sexual predator priests remain active ministers somewhere in the world is a more seriously disturbing threat today than my own childhood perpetrator ever was.
As you will read I, too, am not without fault, weaknesses, or compulsions. Unfortunately, like most survivors of sexual assaults and abuse, I am my harshest critic when it comes to personal indiscretions and compulsions. I remain capable of occasionally making poor choices regarding personal associations, relationships, and intimacy. I have accepted the fact that much of the significant early childhood influences in my life have revolved around unhealthy addictive behaviors, i.e., chemical dependency and sexual compulsiveness.
Despite everything I’ve experienced in my life thus far, I am resolved to do the best I can with whatever tempting or threatening circumstances I face. More importantly, when I fail in my struggles to overcome risky compulsive behavior, I can now recall just what type of situations trigger unhealthy responses, evaluate which specific factors influence my decisions, and focus on identifying positive alternatives. When similar urges resurface, and they always do, I take what I’ve learned from each past decision, no matter how painful or uncomfortable, to avoid repeating those with the most humiliating and unhealthy consequences.