PRAISE FOR LEAVING THE OCD CIRCUS
Ms. Pagacz, over a period of years, has poured heart, soul, and sinew, into this book, and the result is remarkable. She describes the torment of OCD from the inside. Fellow sufferers will feel understood; families and friends will gain unique insight into what their loved one is experiencing.
Her compelling narrative abounds with powerful metaphors. Employing a creative scrapbook format, and using photos, Illustrations, and original poems, Ms. Pagacz enhances the text with a power only art can convey.
Beyond the descriptive narrative, however, is a compendium of useful information about the disorder and how to best manage it. Drawing on what worked for her, and based on researching expert advice, chapters contains a summary of useful tips and key points to remember. The result is educational and inspirational.
This memoir of her recovery is a highly valuable, unique gift to the OCD community.
DAN KALB, PHD
Psychologist, OCD specialist
This edition first published in 2016 by Conari Press, an imprint of
Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC
With offices at:
65 Parker Street, Suite 7
Newburyport, MA 01950
Copyright © 2016 by Kirsten Pagacz
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages.
ISBN: 978-1-57324-681-1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Pagacz, Kirsten, author.
Title: Leaving the OCD circus : your big ticket out of having to control every little thing / Kirsten Pagacz.
Other titles: Leaving the obsessive-compulsive disorder circus
Description: Newburyport, MA : Conari Press, 2016. | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2016017700 | ISBN 9781573246811 (paperback)
Subjects: LCSH: Obsessive-compulsive disorder. | Obsessive-compulsive disorder--Treatment. | BISAC: SELF-HELP / Mood Disorders. |
PSYCHOLOGY /
Psychopathology / Compulsive Behavior.
Classification: LCC RC533 .P25 2016 | DDC 616.85/227--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016017700
Cover art and design by Doug Pagacz
Interior images © Kirsten Pagacz unless otherwise noted
Interior by Joseph Allen Black
Typeset in Bell MT
Printed in the United States of America
M&G
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
www.redwheelweiser.com/newsletter
I dedicate this book to individuals who suffer with OCD and their friends and family. I wrote this book for you. Your freedom is important to me.
To my best friend, Doug, and my loving mother, Sandra. We've shared decades together, filled with ups and downs. Thank you for your never-ending supply of love and believing in me when I struggled to believe in myself. You are forever in the biggest part of my heart.
This book is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any illness or act as a substitute for advice from a doctor or psychiatrist. Except for my husband, mother, Dr. Kalb, Pam, Victoria, Oana and my dog Rocket, and cat Angela, all names and identifying details have been changed.
CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1 A BUDDING RELATIONSHIP
CHAPTER 2 OCD LIKE A BRUSH FIRE
CHAPTER 3 STORM OF A CHAOTIC MIND
CHAPTER 4 BUILDING TOWARD A CRESCENDO
CHAPTER 8 MY LIFE WITH CHIMPSAY
RESOURCES FROM THE INTERNATIONAL OCD FOUNDATION (IOCDF)
FOREWORD
When I first met Kirsten Pagacz, we were both attending the International OCD Foundation's annual conference. She had just purchased a copy of my memoir and asked me to sign it. While I can't honestly say I remember our conversation that day, I do know what I wrote just above my signature: “All things are possible when we dare to believe.”
It dawns on me today, so many years later, that Kirsten's story and the very book you're now holding are powerful proof of that scribbled declaration.
There's a reason obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is known as the Doubting Disease. At its core are intrusive what-if questions that can become so overwhelming sufferers will do almost anything—including performing all kinds of nonsensical rituals—in desperate attempts to relieve their anxiety. Consumed by these relentless obsessions and the compulsions they spawn, individuals with OCD find themselves doubting virtually everything, including their own abilities and