Overcoming Failure
The Dream Movement Series
By
Marcia Wieder
America’s Dream Coach
LEARNING FROM FAILURE
Many of us are stopped by our unmet expectations. It has become too painful to have our dreams not work out the way we had hoped, or not at all. Frequently the decision is to aban- don the dream, and for some, to stop having them complete- ly. For others, the futility of being marked a “daydreamer” can be enough to abandon any future plans. The words “why both- er?” become our dysfunctional safety net. We seem to think it protects us from the perceived threat of failing. In truth, to never take that first leap is the biggest failure many of us make. Just know you are not alone in feeling scared as you move toward your dream. It can indeed be a big leap of faith as you plummet into unknown territory. This is true for any- one, including myself. But the potential benefits far outweigh the initial costs of our fear holding us back. It holds a much greater outcome, and that is to soar.
Can you imagine being disappointed by the failure of your dreams, yet using that experience as the inspiration to invest in an even greater commitment toward your dream? Do you know it is possible to use failure as a teacher; as a way to prac- tice and learn, while continuing to have your expectations and your dreams? This is an investment worth taking.
The musician Miles Davis said, “Do not fear mistakes. There are none.” Failure or disappointment is a chance for you to check in and make important decisions. Do you desire your dream and in spite of apparent setbacks, still fully expect it to happen? Check in and see if this is perhaps a childhood dream or someone else’s dream for you. Will it honor you more to release it? Is the failure of this dream somehow pro- tecting something or is the potential failure of this dream the lesson itself? Is this a dream that your ego is craving, or one your soul and spirit desires? Do you know the difference?
Finding the answers to these questions is worth exploring, though searching for them may not be easy. Such is the jour- ney of a true dreamer: seek, ask, listen and seek some more until you are satisfied with the outcome. Don’t settle for less than what you know you are worth. And you, as Whitman wrote “...contain multitudes.”
So, learn to know each unique facet of your whole self. Dis- cover what makes you tick and why. Realize there comes a time for demand and a time to surrender. To live a full life requires you learn to do both willingly and wholeheartedly. To not submit when you need to is a sign that pride and ego are holding you (and your dreams) hostage.
And along the way you get to ask yourself the most impor- tant question of all. Are you still committed to having your dream come true, to fulfilling your heart’s desire, or is it time for another dream? Is this about accomplishing THE dream or can life be about living, learning and growing through your dreams and failures?
It takes courage to keep going and maturity to know when not to. This is your life that you are designing. Whether you keep going on this dream or create new ones, are you willing to practice using your life’s experiences as the path to open your heart, to feel more deeply and passionately what you want and to really live?
Be honest with yourself throughout the entire process. Notice what you are thinking and feeling. See what actions you are taking or not taking. Keep checking in with the reali- ty of what’s happening and use your expectations to continu- ally re-fuel your desires and move you forward.
Learn the power of expectations. By breaking through the fear of disappointment or unmet expectations, you will be liv- ing your life at a whole new level and based on new standards. Life’s daily experiences, even the painful ones, become mag- nificent opportunities to fully express yourself. Use your expectations to whet your appetite, to get your mouth water- ing and your taste buds salivating. Expect your life to be a dream come true and be prepared for a feast, regardless of what the menu offers.
Sometimes the experience begins by stopping where you are and emptying out. So stop for a moment, take a long slow breath and ask yourself, “Am I ready to become a dreamer, am I ready to live a more loving, joyful and fulfilling life?” If your answer is yes, let’s begin now. If your answer is no, explore why and use your reasons as the opportunity to get to know yourself, your beliefs and what matters to you. And con-
sider this book part of your research in saying, “yes.” Either way, let’s find your dreams, let’s discover what makes your heart sing and let’s play there. Sometimes we want some- thing so badly that we can taste it, yet nothing seems to be happening to help us achieve our desire. Or even worse, it appears that everything is conspiring against us and our dream just gets further and further away from reality. Typically what happens is we have good days and bad days. We take one step forward and the proverbial two steps back- wards. It begins to feel futile, like we will never get what we
want so we abort our mission. Then there are those who just don’t give up. One of the most
moving examples of tenacity was told to me by Jay Hair. Over ten years ago and fresh out of college, Jay was delighted to join the National Wildlife Federation as a staff member. He was excited and felt with this new career, his life had just begun.
And then in a moment, it was taken away. The next thing he knew was his nine year old daughter Whitney had contracted a very rare and deadly blood disease. There was little hope for her to live.
Researchers at the Federation suggested trying some unusual clinical trials using a new serum. This serum could be made with a plant extract only available from the rain forest. They secured the plant, made the serum and began to admin ister treatment. Day by day they were hopeful and grateful to see some improvement in Whitney’s health.
Ten years later, Whitney is off to college. She is healthy and completely cured. She survived but the Rosie Periwinkle plant did not. It is now an extinct species. Jay Hair is currently the President of the National Wildlife Federation and dedicates his professional life to the survival of such rare species. Think about the timing and unwavering commitment that must have been involved around this incredible story.
Jay embodies “a big dreamer.” He is a results-oriented visionary. He kept the dream alive in the face of concerns, doubts and debilitation. When so many said it couldn’t be done, he knew it was literally a life or death matter.
What he didn’t do was ever abandon or give up his dream. It meant too much to him, he knew it had to be done and that he was the one to make it happen. He did not sabotage the dream, even though it looked to many like it might never occur. Looks can be deceiving.
JUST KEEP GOING
Perhaps you know the story of the Olympic swimmer, Pablo Morales. Pablo won so many gold medals in Los Angeles that he was nicknamed “The Golden Boy” for the then upcoming Seoul Olympics.
To everyone’s dismay, he lost his qualifying trials and he never even made it to the Games. He was so dejected that he quit swimming, enrolled in Cornell Law School and forgot about his dream.
Three years went by. Then one day, his passion was re-ignit- ed, he got that old chlorine itch and put himself back into the pool, just one year before the Barcelona Olympics. He trained like crazy, made it to the Games and went on to win the gold. When you hit an obstacle, be like Pablo and get back into the pool. Be unstoppable and go for the gold.
When the road looks too steep, or even when the rewards seem too great, we sabotage the dream. Time and again we kill off the dream before we ever fully explore the possibilities of making the dream come true.
Big dreamers, people who make things happen, don’t do this. They hang in there. They explore. They take risks. The flip side of this is finding all the reasons not to move to the next step. I have learned over the years if there is something I really want and nothing is happening on it, or my project isn’t moving forward, I have learned to become suspicious. The person I become suspicious of is me. I ask myself, “What am I doing or believing, that is keeping me stuck?”
The problem in sabotaging or killing off our dreams is that it is life threatening.