Feeling of happiness. Maria Lazinskaya

eeling of happiness

      Maria Lazinskaya

      © Maria Lazinskaya, 2019

      ISBN 978-5-0050-2949-2

      Created with Ridero smart publishing system

      Preface

      Here are thirty-seven…

      Who will say a lot or a little?

      What can I say about my life?

      I was happy, loved and suffered

      And I managed to realize the mistakes…

      And the greatest happiness is my children,

      They bring joy every moment!

      Without them, life would be meaningless.

      Thanks to my children!

      Thank God for their bright faces!

      I want to say thanks to the whole family and friends,

      Which were nearby. I love you all!

      Thanks to my parents for living in this world!

      As long as I live – I pray for all of you!

      I’m thirty-seven years old. A year ago, I divorced my husband. Our relationship, which lasted for eight years, has long outlived its usefulness. All that stopped me were the children, but we had not lived together with my husband for a long time; even before the birth of my son, I moved with my daughter to live with my mother.

      For many years I loved my husband, so very hard going through a divorce. My state of mind for several months after I received a stamp in the passport of divorce, remained extremely heavy. Every morning I woke up with a void in my heart and fell asleep with the same feeling. And it took me more than a year than to wake up one morning and realize that I don’t love him anymore and I’m ready to fall in love again and start living a full life from scratch.

      The first entry in my diary

      2019 has come. For some reason from the first day I had a feeling that this year will be very happy for me, and this New year there will be events that will change my life.

      Recently, I began to notice signs of attention from one of my colleagues, whose name is Dmitry (as well as my ex-husband). I have always had sympathy for him, but my attitude was restrained, because I loved my husband very much and did not see anyone around.

      I began to notice that he was smiling at me, holding his gaze. And I began to feel that his warm, open smile and gentle look, addressed to me, like a magnet attract me. As I passed him along the corridor, and felt his gaze, I felt every cell of my body begin to involuntarily attract to him. I haven’t felt this way about a man in a long time. And I began to dream… I dreamed to feel his strong embrace…

      Fourth of February

      On the fourth of February Dima drove me home in the evening. When we stopped at the entrance, and I turned to say goodbye to him, I met his eyes, and felt that I was covered with a wave of his charm. I had a strong desire to kiss him. It was a little scary, because the last time I kissed my husband, and it was more than two years ago…

      I moved towards him. Our lips met in a kiss so soft and sweet that it made my head spin.

      – A very sweet kiss, – said Dmitry broke away. – “Are you always this brave?”.

      – Not always, – I said, embarrassed.

      – I want more! he said, and leaned over to kiss me again.

      Just two kisses, and I was coming home so spirited and happy!

      “Beautiful kisses! Next time I won’t let you go so quickly…", – the message from Dima came, only I managed to cross a threshold of the apartment.

      I couldn’t sleep very long that night, all my thoughts were about him.

      I really want to sometimes

      In your arms to be…

      I’ve liked you for a long time.…

      But this is difficult even for me to admit…

      Signs…

      The next morning I didn’t see Dmitry at work.

      “Good morning! Did something happen? I didn’t see you at work and got worried”, – wrote to Dima.

      “Good morning, Maria! I must have been poisoned… When I got home, I felt weak. Measured temperature. It turned out to be thirty-eight… the first thought was about you… How are you?”.

      “I’m fine. I feel fine. Get well soon!” – I wrote, but my heart was somehow hard…

      In my head immediately surfaced memories from the past… a long time ago, when I was not married, I tried once to turn to the Universe for advice: should I start a relationship with a man (my ex-husband)? Then I mentally said to myself: “If I take his hand now and something happens – it is not necessary to start a relationship.” And it happened… As soon as I touched his hand, he felt bad… But then I didn’t listen to the Universe.

      Can be now such situation and fate diverts from me this human or me from Dima?

      Dima was in hospital for a week. All this week we corresponded with him. We decided that it is easier to express our desires and fantasies towards each other with the help of messages.

      “I always liked you, but I controlled and restrained myself. This time something went wrong… And I don’t want to think about anything now…”.

      “I’ve liked you for a long time, too. And I don’t want to think about what’s going to happen either… I just want to enjoy the moment”.

      By the end of Dima’s hospital stay, I started having problems with my phone, and all our correspondence disappeared. I had to get a new phone, and the thought flashed through my head again: “Maybe this is another sign?!”.

      Icon for Dmitry

      Last October I embroidered an icon for Dmitry. He saw sometimes at lunchtime at work that I embroidered beaded icons. And every time he asked: “Are you embroidering for me?”. I said: “Not yet, but I will”.

      Dima does not believe in God, and I did not know what icon to give him. Decided to rely on fate. I went on the Internet to the website of the store with goods for needlework and began to view schemes for embroidery with images of saints. Specially made the order of several schemes, decided to leave the choice to fate. When I made the order, it was already midnight, in the morning I got a call from the store and said that of my chosen schemes there is only one. I confirmed my order. The saint chose Dima.