That’s Your Lot. Limmy. Читать онлайн. Newlib. NEWLIB.NET

Автор: Limmy
Издательство: HarperCollins
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Жанр произведения: Юмор: прочее
Год издания: 0
isbn: 9780008172626
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       Copyright

      HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

      1 London Bridge Street

      London SE1 9GF

       www.harpercollins.co.uk

      First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2017

      FIRST EDITION

      © Brian Limond 2017

      Cover design by Lynn McGowan © HarperCollinsPublishers 2017

      A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

      Brian Limond asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

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       www.harpercollins.co.uk/green

      Source ISBN: 9780008172602

      Ebook Edition © May 2017 ISBN: 9780008172626

      Version: 2018-11-05

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

       Copyright

       Pavement

       Taxi Patter

       Grammar

       Stookie

       Keys

       Trophies

       New Life

       Moustache

       Porridge

       The Clown

       Biscuits

       Suzie Spunkstain

       The Curtain

       In My Bin

       The Other Side of the Counter

       Cupid

       The Dog

       Box Set

       Trainers

       The Tree

       The Daysnatcher

       Soft Play

       The New Icon

       The Pub

       The Speaker

       Photography

       Funny Face

       The Bike

       Benidorm

       About the Publisher

       Pavement

      George had a baby. A wee baby boy, called Sam. And he wanted to make his son proud. Proud of his old dad. You couldn’t really make a baby feel proud of you, but George was thinking more about the future.

      He wanted Sam to look back, when he was older, and think, ‘I’m so proud of my dad. He was there for me and cared about me. That man there is my dad.’

      George was out one day with Sam, pushing him in his pram, and he was thinking about all that. All that stuff about making his son proud. He was looking at his son’s face looking back at him in the pram. Sam would look at George, then the sky and the people walking past. George wondered if Sam would ever remember all this, how much George was there for him.

      Probably not. And that was a shame.

      ‘Watch yourself, pal!’ said somebody.

      George stopped, and he saw a few workies looking at him. George had been walking on the pavement, and just a few feet in front of him was a new bit of pavement. The workies had been laying some fresh concrete, and it was still wet. The workie wanted to stop George before he went over it and left a mark.

      ‘Thanks,’ said George.

      George had seen what happens when somebody went over wet concrete. You see it all around if you look for it. Walk around and you’ll see bits of pavement with footsteps in them, or wheels from prams, or bikes,