I, PARTRIDGE:
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT ALAN
Alan Partridge
With Rob Gibbons, Neil Gibbons, Armando Iannucci and Steve Coogan
Dedication
For Fernando. And Denise.
Contents
Dedication
Foreword
Introducing What Follows
Chapter 1. Beginnings
Chapter 2. Scouts and Schooling
Chapter 3. East Anglia Polytechnic
Chapter 4. Carol
Chapter 5. Hospital Radio
Chapter 6. Local/Commercial Radio
Chapter 7. Joining the BBC
Chapter 8. A Mighty Big Fish for a Pond This Size
Chapter 9. The Move to TV
Chapter 10. My Own Show
Chapter 11. Radio’s Loss
Chapter 12. Glen Ponder, Musician
Chapter 13. Lift Off, Show-Wise
Chapter 14. The Death of Forbes McAllister
Chapter 15. Splitting from Carol
Chapter 16. Yule Be Sorry!
Chapter 17. Return to Norwich
Chapter 18. Linton Travel Tavern
Chapter 19. Me v Hayers
Chapter 20. Proof That the Public Loved Me
Chapter 21. Hayers: Dead
Chapter 22. Homeslessnessness
Chapter 23. Swallow
Chapter 24. Other, Better TV Work
Chapter 25. Marching On: Skirmish
Chapter 26. My Drink and Drugs Heck
Chapter 27. Chin Up
Chapter 28. Bouncing Back
Chapter 29. Good Grief
Chapter 30. Classic House
Chapter 31. Forward Solutions™
Chapter 32. North Norfolk Digital
Chapter 33. A Sidekick
Chapter 34. Hanging Up the Headphones
Tracklisting
Index
Photo Insert
Acknowledgements
Copyright
Foreword
ALAN PARTRIDGE IS A DJ who presents Mid-Morning Matters. He is hard-working and enthusiastic, with a broad appeal to our regional listenership. He has worked at the station since 2009 and was previously employed by its sister station Radio Norwich.
I have always found Alan to be honest and trustworthy and a relatively good ambassador for the station and for Gordale Media as a whole.
Alan is smart, punctual and his attendance record is very good, with an average of 1.5 sick days taken per year of employment.
I would have no hesitation in recommending him.
Regards,
Andy Powell
MD, Gordale Media
Introducing What Follows
Hi, Alan. Tell me – what is this page?
It’s the introduction to my book.
Written as a short interview with yourself?
Yes.
That’s brave and unusual. Why?
Well, questions and answers are my bread and butter; my meat and drink; my sausage, beans and chips. I’m an accomplished broadcaster, presenter and interviewer. Chat is what I do.
You’re not going to write the whole book like this, are you?
No.
What do you want the book to say?
That I am Alan Gordon Partridge, a respected broadcaster, but also so much more than that. Son to a dead father, father to a living son, TV personality, businessman, brand, rambler, writer, thinker, sayer, doer. I think that’s everything.1
And today?
Today, I’m the presenter of Mid-Morning Matters, an award-worthy weekday morning-thru-lunchtime radio show on North Norfolk Digital – North Norfolk’s best music mix. In fact, you join me in my studio, as I scribble these opening thoughts in the 3 minutes 36 seconds of downtime I enjoy as a record plays.2
So what can people expect from the book?
They can expect quality throughout and excellence in places. These memoirs are a serious, thoughtful and grammatically sound body of work, a welcome antidote to the kind of crank ’em out, pile ’em high shit-lit that passes for most modern autobiographies.
Examples?
Well, put it this way. In terms of craftsmanship, it’s less Bewes, Madeley, Parsons and more Clancey, Archer, Rushdie. What’s more, it’s accessible enough to capture a market as wide as that of Rowling, Brown, Smith, McNab, Lama3.4
Is there anything in the book that ‘breaks the mould’?
Yes, a soundtrack. I spent three days with my ‘iPod’ creating a list of tracks that would provide the perfect mood music to accompany my life. My publishers HarperCollins said that this wasn’t necessary. In fact they specifically told me not to bother, as they weren’t willing to pay for the production or dispatch of a CD and certainly weren’t going to seek clearance from, or pay royalties to, the artists I’d chosen. But they can’t stop me providing you, the reader, with a list of songs plus directions as to where in the book they should be played. You’ll find the tracklist on page 311. My instructions can be found within the text. Please note: the soundtrack is mandatory.
What kind of research did the book involve?
Content: six consecutive afternoons of remembering. Style: reading ten pages from each of the writers mentioned above.
And have you been honest?
Searingly honest. Brutally honest. Painfully honest. Needlessly honest. Distressingly honest. HarperCollins asked for full disclosure and that’s what I delivered. I’ve opened myself up (not literally), put my balls on the line (not literally) and written it all down (literally).
Having read your book, I see you’ve had your fair share of run-ins. Indeed, Phil Wiley’s behaviour