David Walliams
Billionaire
Boy
Illustrated by Tony Ross
HarperCollins Children’s Books An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
Text © David Walliams 2010
Illustrations © Tony Ross 2010 Cover lettering of author’s name Copyright © Quentin Blake 2010
David Walliams and Tony Ross assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work
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Source ISBN: 9780007371051
Ebook Edition © JULY 2013 ISBN: 9780007371433 Version: 2017-01-31
HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication.
Voor Lara, Ik hou meer van je, dan ik met woorden kan zeggen
Contents
Copyright
Chapter 1 - Meet Joe Spud
Chapter 2 - Bum Boy
Chapter 3 - Who’s the Fattiest?
Chapter 4 - “Loo Rolls?”
Chapter 5 - Out of Date Easter Eggs
Chapter 6 - The Grubbs
Chapter 7 - Gerbils on Toast
Chapter 8 - The Witch
Chapter 9 - “Finger?”
Chapter 10 - Dog Spit
Chapter 11 - Camping Holiday
Chapter 12 - Page 3 Stunna
Chapter 13 - New Girl
Chapter 14 - The Shape of a Kiss
Chapter 15 - Nip and Tuck
Chapter 16 - Peter Bread
Chapter 17 - A Knock on the Toilet Door
Chapter 18 - The Vortex 3000
Chapter 19 - A Baboon’s Bottom
Chapter 20 - A Beach Ball Rolled in Hair
Chapter 21 - A GCSE in Make-Up
Chapter 22 - A New Chapter
Chapter 23 - Canal Boat Weekly
Chapter 24 - The Rajmobile
Chapter 25 - Broken
Chapter 26 - A Blizzard of Banknotes
Postscript
Thank yous
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a million pounds?
Or a billion?
How about a trillion?
Or even a gazillion?
Meet Joe Spud.
Joe didn’t have to imagine what it would be like to have loads and loads and loads of money. He was only twelve, but he was ridiculously, preposterously rich.
Joe had everything he could ever want.
100-inch plasma widescreen flat-screen high-definition TV in every room in the house
500 pairs of Nike trainers
A grand-prix racetrack in the back garden
A robot dog from Japan
A golf buggy with the number plate ‘SPUD 2’ to drive around the grounds of his house
A waterslide which went from his bedroom into an indoor Olympic-sized swimming pool
Every computer game in the world
3-D IMAX cinema in the basement
A crocodile
24-hour personal masseuse
Underground 10-lane bowling alley
Snooker table
Popcorn dispenser
Skateboard park
Another crocodile
£100,000 a week pocket money
A rollercoaster in the back garden
A professional recording studio in the attic
Personalised football coaching from the England team
A real-life shark in a tank
In short, Joe was one horribly spoilt kid. He went to a ridiculously posh school. He flew on private planes whenever he went on holiday. Once, he even had Disneyworld closed for the day, just so he wouldn’t have to queue for any rides.
Here’s Joe. Speeding around his own private racetrack in his own Formula One racing car.
Some very rich children have miniature versions of cars specially built for them. Joe wasn’t one of those children. Joe needed his Formula One car made a bit bigger. He was quite fat, you see. Well, you would be, wouldn’t you? If you could buy all the chocolate in the world.
You will have noticed that Joe is on his