William Collins
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF WilliamCollinsBooks.com This eBook edition published by William Collins in 2017, 2018 Text © Brian Cox, Robin Ince and Alexandra Feachem 2017, 2018 Photographs © individual copyright holders Diagrams, design and layout © HarperCollins Publishers 2018 By arrangement with the BBC. The BBC logo is a trademark of the British Broadcasting Corporation and is used under licence. BBC logo © BBC 1996 The authors assert their moral right to be identified as the authors of this work. Cover photograph © Shutterstock Cover illustrations © Charlotte Ager, Holly O’Neil and Oliver Macdonald Oulds A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this eBook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins Publishers. Source ISBN: 9780008276324 Ebook Edition © April 2018 ISBN: 9780008254964 Version: 2018-04-27
‘A joyous trip through our understanding of the universe’
Daily Express
Praise for BBC Radio 4’s The Infinite Monkey Cage:
‘A witty and irreverent look at the world according to science’
Independent
Praise for Professor Brian Cox:
‘Engaging, ambitious and creative’
Guardian
‘He bridges the gap between our childish sense of wonder and a rather more professional grasp of the scale of things’
Independent
‘Professor Cox shows us the cosmos as we have never seen it before – a place full of the most bizarre and powerful natural phenomena’
Sunday Express
Praise for Robin Ince:
‘Bursting with energy and ideas’
The Times
CONTENTS
Copyright
A Beginning
A Word from the Producer
Introductions & Infinity
Life, Death & Strawberries
Recipe to Build a Universe
Space Exploration
Evidence & Why Ghosts Don’t Exist
Apocalypse
Index
Acknowledgements
Episode List
Credits
About the Book
About the Authors
About the Publisher
A Very Special Foreword
by Eric Idle
Hello.
Sorry to come barging into this pseudo-scientific book, but obviously publishers are greedy bastards and will do anything they can to try to seduce the gullible public into buying enormous quantities of meretricious trash for the Christmas market, so I have been asked to lend my name to this blatant attempt to part you from your cash.
What is The Infinite Monkey Cage anyway – apart from being a terrific song written and sung by yours truly with every single instrument played by Jeff Lynne, and certainly something you should try to download for Christmas, but no, it’s the sodding BBC and it’s not available or they’d have to pay for something. That’s why you are stuck with this book.
I think you will find it very helpful. It’s useful for keeping a door propped open or to put on your Christmas table to stop the hot plates blistering the plastic tablecloth. But do watch out for the Christmas pud; the book itself is highly flammable, and if it catches, you might possibly set fire to an elderly aunt. On the other hand, if you are cold, simply stick it in the grate and it will make a lovely Christmas blaze.
As you know, scientists are the new chefs, so pity poor Ince, once a half-way decent comedian, now stuck alongside a glamour-boy professor, playing Robin to his Batman. Still, if it stops him having to play Colchester again I suppose the whole thing has been worth it.
One or two words about The Monkey Cage itself.
Is the Cage infinite?
Or are the Monkeys infinite?
Or perhaps they are both infinite?
In a multiverse would there be an Infinite
Donkey Cage?
I think we should be told.
Well, that’s about it.
I shall be spending my Christmas Day in the traditional way on a Thai massage table listening to Sounds of the Seventies. Sadly, we don’t get the Queen’s speech here in Bangkok, but there are one or two compensations. There is an inspirational message from José Mourinho, and a bottle of gluten-free almond wine for ancient tee-totalling ex-Pythons sent by John Cleese from his cellars, where he hangs upside down during the winter season.
To all of you, please enjoy your expanding Universe for another year. And do try to buy more Monty Python shit. We haven’t got long and we do need the cash.
Happy Christmas