I fear indeed that there must be a want of good management as well in that as in other things. Thereby are we so much the more admonished to pray God that he by his infinite goodness would be pleased to supply so many shortcomings. True it is, that the ignorant are apt to judge foolishly. But however that may be, every one is amazed that they are so long – ,96 without putting forth an effort. For it looks as if God were holding out the hand to us, as much as to say – enter in. And in letting the time slip by, we only invigorate him who is already almost desperate. Let us pray, therefore, and seeing that it pleases God to make trial of our patience for our good, let us be content with what he sends us, never growing weary of serving him, on any account whatsoever.
There has been murmuring of late on account of some appointment. They would indeed need wondrous masons to complete the building. But I fear that our people, or some of them at least, may let themselves be so far led away as to entertain the proposals, which would be to replace the enemy, not only in the exercise of his former tyrannous sway, but even of that to which he has always aspired. Yet, inasmuch as I feel assured that it will not so happen unless God shall be altogether exasperated against us, I trust that he will avert so great a danger. For I have no doubt that he looks rather upon his own work in us, than upon our sins and shortcomings, that he may have pity on us.
And now, Monseigneur, having humbly commended me to your good favour, and that of Madame; having also presented the commendations of my wife, and of our neighbours, I pray God of his goodness to keep you always in his protection, and to make you feel more and more the joy of his help.
Your servant and humble brother and ever bounden friend,
[Fr. orig. autogr. – Library of Geneva. Vol. 194.]
CLXXXIII. – To Madame de Budé. 97
Madame, – Howbeit that I have occasion to praise God for the great zeal and constancy he has vouchsafed to you, as I have heard from the bearer, yet, believing that my exhortation might not be superfluous to you, in the midst of such diversified trials and conflicts, I was unwilling to forego writing you some words by him, and, above all, to help you to come to a determination upon the point on which you are still somewhat doubtful; that is, as to your retiring hitherward that you may serve God in peace of conscience. Were it possible for you to discharge your duty where you are, I would by no means advise you to stir. But I am well aware in what captivity you are held. If God had given you strength and constancy to prepare for death, and not to flinch for any fear of the danger wherein you are, there would be nothing better than to keep that grace in exercise. But if you feel that the weakness of the flesh gets the mastery, and hinders you from doing your duty, seeing that your conscience must needs be troubled and in continual torment, the only way is to seek a suitable remedy. For it is no slight perplexity, yea, even agony, to feel ourselves blamable in a matter of so great moment; yea, and that the evil continues to such an extent, that we can make no end of offending God. Although many deceive themselves in this matter, making themselves believe that it is but a trifling fault to defile themselves with superstitions which are repugnant to the word of God, and derogate from his honour, I reckon that his honour, to whom we owe everything, is so precious to you, that it is felt to be a subject of intolerable regret to you to offend against it daily, as you are constrained to do at present. I do not doubt, therefore, but that you have a special desire to escape out of such wretchedness, and that until you do, you cannot but be in very great anxiety and sadness. Consider, now, whether this is not an unhappy condition, thus to linger for ever. I know, indeed, that there are many who reply to us, that we here are no more angels than themselves, and that we offend God even as they do; which is true. But as the proverb says, "Sickness upon sickness is not health." If, then, we come far short in other respects, what need is there to increase our condemnation by adding to the rest this sin which is so grievous; to wit, that of not giving glory to the Son of God, who became as nothing for our salvation?
Besides, after you have done your best by dissimulation, to keep clear of the perils which surround you, you are not a whit better; for the wicked are very sharp-sighted, and you will never content them but by an entire renunciation of God; wherefore, you have no rest for the body any more than for the soul. And after declension from God, in order to comply with the world, you have derived no benefit from it, except that you languish as in a trance. You will ask me if, being come hither, you shall always have assured repose. I confess that you will not; for while we are in this world, it is fitting that we should be like birds upon the branch. So it has pleased God, and it is good for us. But since this little corner is vouchsafed to you, where you may finish the remainder of your life in his service, if he so please, or profit more and more, and be confirmed in his word, in order that you may be more ready to endure persecutions, if it shall so please him, it is not right that you refuse it. We have always to take care lest we be the cause of our own misfortune, and draw it down upon ourselves by not accepting the means of escape which God presents to us. I know that it is a hard thing to leave the country of our birth, most of all to a woman like yourself, of rank, and advanced in life. But you ought to overcome such difficulties by higher considerations; such as, that we should prefer to our own country every region where God is purely worshipped; that we should not desire any better repose for our old age than to abide in his Church, his dwelling-place and the place of his rest; that we should prefer to be contemptible in the place where his name may be glorified by us, to being honourable in the sight of men, while we defraud him of the honour which belongs to him.
Concerning the doubts which may come into your mind, it would be too tedious to reply to them all. But you have always this as a settled point, that we must refer our many anxieties to the Providence of God, trusting that he will provide an outlet in cases where we see none. And in fact it is undoubted, that if we seek him we shall find him. That is to say, he will be with us to guide our steps, and to have a care of our affairs, to order them well for us. True it is, that we shall not cease to be subject to many troubles and annoyances; but let us pray him that, having been strengthened by his word, we may have wherewithal to overcome them. And assuredly you possess many helps, which deprive you of the excuse which many others have. If it shall please God to lead you hither, you will not come so bereft of property as to have nothing to live upon, while there are many poor people who have only burdens without temporal provision. How many Christian women are there who are held captive by their children! while our Lord has given you this advantage, that you have children who not only are ready to aid in your deliverance from captivity, but also exhort you thereto. You have the liberty which many wish for, of which you ought to avail yourself, that you may all the more freely engage in the service of God. Among the other hindrances that it appears you have, your daughter may be one, inasmuch as she is still unmarried. But instead of reckoning that to be a hindrance, it ought rather to serve as a spur the more readily to decide you. I understand that you love her not merely with the common love of mothers, but with a peculiar affection. I beseech you, then, to consider well whether it would be better for her to be there tied down in marriage, to live in perpetual bondage, or to be brought by you to a place where she may be free to live as a Christian with her husband; for you must trust that God will find out for her a worthy person, who will be a comfort to you as well as to herself.99